1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

Friendship replaces marriage in the modern value system January 16, 2013

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It is another interesting trend: Friendship as a value takes the place of marriage in the modern western world. What we see on the surface is the relationship status “girl-friend”, “boy-friend”. It is not by chance that people choose this words to explain that they are actually lovers.  In many western countries this kind of relationship has been legalized and has almost the status of marriage, even from the taxation point of view. Despite this fact people, especially males tend to see this kind of relationship as a “light” version of marriage, a less value-loaded status with less responsibilities.

On the other hand we have a significant shift in the collective consciousness regarding the value of friendship. While the girl-friend-boy-friend-relationship has less weight than a marriage, we can see the value of friendship as an intimate relationship without any sex involved rising high.In the online world, thanks for Facebook & Co it is a matter of prestige and social value to have many friends, no matter how “real” they are.

In the offline world people start loving, relying on, valuing friends more that their families. Why? First of all, for various reasons (one is given here) the generations of 20 to 50 year-old in the West suffer from problems with parents. For many a family is not the place to relax and enjoy, on the contrary  it is a place to quarrel, debate on relationship issues and even sue each other. At the same time it’s becoming a great problem for young people to create their own families – may be because they have seen so many divorces, may be of high expectaions planted in minds by the mass media… Whatever it is, the lack of peace in the family corner makes people seek peace and joy elsewhere. And many find it in friendship.

A true friendship is a perfect relationship because it does not suggest any responsibilities and obligations like a marriage does. We are free to meet up, talk, do some activities together, enjoy… We do not “have to”… and yet we are happy to help, to support, “to be there for a friend in need”, to invest time and money. But why? What moves us? (more…)

 

Why women are more sensitive to Spirituality June 26, 2012

A mere glance at various spiritual practitioners grasps the female dominance. Disregarding country and cultural background. Now more than at any other historical periodPeople wonder why women are seeking more then men, why are they outnumbering in that sphere of life?

The answer is as simple as genius: Men just have a bigger ego which does not allow them to surrender easily, for surrender is one of the core spitirual features. ” Real men” are so-called doers and while acting they are not inclined to think of themselves as of “God’s instruments”. Due to their nature, men are more on the right side, using their right sympathetic nervous system, being proactive, dominant, thinking, directing… All that blocks their emotional side, the side which brings one faster to God because of the connection through the heart.

At the same time the greatest saints, yogis are prophets of all times are mostly male. How to explain all that? The men who truly become the men of God, they managed to overcome their ego and along with their male nature, could develop their female side as well. They became compassionate, loving and forgiving. Thus, balancing and enriching both sides they in fact managed to become the perfect humans. For some ironical reason, if a woman starts using her male side (“right side”) as much as the female one, she is more likely to become an unpleasant rather that a holy personality… (more…)

 

What and whom you cannot forgive April 1, 2012

Forgiveness has become a popular topic. Sooner or later you come across this word on the way of personal development.  Many psychologists, healers, spiritual leaders and practitioners will tell you: If your head is full and you are suffering from unclear emotional heaviness you just have to forgive. 

In the classical sense one can/should forgive if one was badly injured (physically or emotionally, often in cases like betrayal). Luckily not everyone has experienced such heavy pains. But the head is still full and life has no joy…what’s the reason then?

I fount out that Forgiveness has a much wider relevance.

 Basically you need to forgive

  • when you keep coming back to a certain situation, keep analyzing or criticising others or your own behaviour
  • when you keep arguing in your head with a person you had a serious talk even when days, weeks or months already passed
  • when you regret you did not find the right word in a situation and you think !oh, i should have said that…next time I will say so and so”

In fact what happens is that your head gets stuck like a computer when it hangs. It just cannot continue working properly!  – Just think of it every time you catch yourself on perpetual one-thought thinking. (more…)

 

A way out of depression February 4, 2011

image by axinia

Depression, the greatest soul plague of modern humans… I wonder is it really a modern phenomenon or it is just better documented nowadays that in earlier centuries?

What defines depression? It is the act of depressing and the condition of being depressed. Depression is characterized by lack of activity, self-worth, dejection, sad feelings, gloom and inadequacy. When the people are in depression, then their life becomes negative. People in depression often face hopelessness, passivity, indecisiveness, suicidal intentions, loss of appetite, weight loss, sleeping disorders.

Here are some statistics on depression:

  • Main reasons of depression in men are separation after marriage, widowed, divorce
  • In US nearly 7 million women are clinically depressed
  • One in seven men will develop depression within 6 months of becoming unemployed
  • Mostly 15 percent of women suffering from severe depression will commit suicide
  • Nearly 10 percent of women experience postpartum depression after birth of a child
  • 2003 National Comorbidity Study, sponsored by the National Institutes of Health 16% of the population that is nearly 35 million Americans suffer from severe depression
  • in Austria: every 5th person is clinically depressed and under medication

I guess the statistics on other countries will be not much different. By simply observing that one can get depressed!

Although I am not an expert on this subject,  I would like to share one unique experience I had about being depressed. May be it will help someone out. (more…)

 

How to know you are doing “the right thing”? March 24, 2010

When you are working and you don’t feel you are “working”

When you are in relationship/marriage and don’t feel you are “working out something, building relationship”

When you percept anything you do as a natural flow, an enjoyment, a simple and easy thing

THEN

know that you are “in the right thing”. (more…)

 

What men really love about women March 9, 2010

Since years I have been interviewing men who seemed to be in happy relationships about the secret of their choice. “Why that woman? What does she give you?”… And you know there is a pretty common answer which I keep receiving from  males of various cultural and social backgrounds.

There is one word which they all mean: inspiration. “She inspires me: She awakens my desire to live, to create, to move, to achieve….”

We are the INSPIRATION….amazing, isn’t it? Just think that this is probably the core of Femininity…

Here is what a saint says about Inspiration: (more…)

 

How to handle the tremendous power of romantic love? February 12, 2010

As many of you have learned from my earlier posts on the awesome book of Robert A. Johnson “Understanding the psychology of Romantic Love” (here and here), romantic love however attractive and delightful it may occur, brings more destruction than happiness.  Romantic love being the single greatest energy system in the Western psyche, is a tremendous power that attracts. If we can learn how to use it in a constructive, not a destructive way… may be the make up of the modern Western society can change for the better!

Let’s see the Johnson’s implications on the channeling of romantic love, please enjoy the way the author is unfolding it, so beautifully and truly:

 Romantic love is a spiritual power

Romantic love is one of these truly overwhelming psychological phenomena that have appeared in Western history. It has overwhelmed our collective psyche and permanently altered our view of the world. As a society, we have not yet learned to handle the tremendous power of romantic love. We turn it into tragedy and alienation more often than into enduring human relationships. But, I believe, if men and women will understand the psychological dynamics behind romantic love and learn to handle them consciously, they will find a  new possibility of relationship, both to themselves and to others.

When we “fall in love” we feel completed, as though a missing part of ourselves has been returened to us; we feel uplifted, as though we were suddenly raised above the level of the ordinary world. Life has an intensity, a glory, an ecstasy and transcendence.

We seek in romantic love to be possessed by our love, to soar to the heights, to find ultimate meaning and fulfillment in our beloved. We seek the feeling of wholeness.

If we ask where else we have looked for these things, there is an answer: (more…)

 

Romantic love vs. True love and why happy marriages are rare in the West February 4, 2010

This post follows Romantic Love: A book EVERY Western man should read  and  quotes Robert A. Johnson’s bestseller “Understanding the Psychology of romantic love”  . I arranged it the way that it gives the essence of author’s investigations on the topic, but please do read the book, it’s so insightful!

Below you will find the brilliant differentiation between the so called romantic love and true love. After reading this post, be prepared for the next in which you will lean about the amazing potential of romantic love.  In the meanwhile, let’s meditate on the truthful lines below.

What is romantic love?

Romantic love is the single greatest energy system in the Western psyche. In our culture it has supplanted religion as the arena in which men and women seek meaning, transcendence, wholeness, and ecstasy…We are so accustomed to living with the beliefs and assumptions of romantic love that we think it is the only form of “love” on which marriage or love relationships can be based. We think it is the only “true love”. But there is much that we can learn from the East about this. In Eastern countries, like those of India and Japan, we find that married couples love each other with great warmth, often with a stability and devotion that puts us to shame. But their love is not “romantic love” as we know it. They don’t impose the same ideals on their relationships, nor do they impose such impossible demands and expectations on each other as we do.

Romantic love has existed throughout history in many cultures. We find it in the literature of ancient Greece, the Roman empire, ancient Persia, and feudal Japan. But our modern Western society is the only culture in history that has experienced romantic love as a mass phenomenon. We are the only society that makes romance the basis of our marriages and love relationships and the cultural ideal of “true love”.

One of the greatest paradoxes in romantic love is that it never produces human relationships as long as it stays romantic. It produces drama, daring adventures, wondrous, intense love scenes, jealousies, and betrayal; but people never seem to settle into relationship with each other as flesh-and-blood human beings until they are out of the romantic love stage, until they love each other instead of “being in love”.

Romance, in its purest form, seeks only one thing – passion. It is willing to sacrifice everything else – every duty, obligation, relationship, or commitment  – in order to have passion.

Difference between romantic love and true love

People become so wearied of the cycles and dead ends of romance that they begin to wonder if there is such a thing as “love”. There is. (more…)

 

Why a marriage works or not January 17, 2010

One may view a marriage as two people standing back to back , each protecting the other in a particular way.

It is the feminine task to protect not only herself but her man nad  her family from the dangers of inner world; moods, inflations, excesses, vulnerabilities, and what used to be called possessions. There are the things a woman’s genius can manage much better that a man’s. Usually he has his own task in facing the outer world and keeping the family safe.

There is a particular danger in the modern attitude in which both people face the our world, both spend their time in outer things. This leaves their inner world unprotected and many dangers creep into the household through this unprotected quarter. Children are particularly vulnerable to this unprotectedness.

When a marriage begins the partners are like two discrete circles overlapping a little. The division between he two is great and each has a specific task. As the marriage partners grow older, each learns a bit of other’s genius, and finally the two circles overlap more and more.

found in “She” by Robert A.Johnson, a Jungian analytic

 

FRIENDSHIP – why it is the ultimate form of any relationship August 6, 2009

image by axinia

Friendship is a word which we all use in our everyday language, and yet it could take one’s whole life only to realize its
meaning. However learned a person may be, however pious, spiritual, or experienced, if he has not learned that nature and
character of friendship he has not learned anything.
This is the first and the last thing we have to learn. We so often use this
word lightly, calling every acquaintance a friend, or professing to be somebody’s friend; but the more we realize the meaning of
it, the less we are able to claim friendship. For everything in life we are tested, examined, and tried, but to pass this examination
of friendship is the most difficult thing in the world.

What is the reason for this? Why is it so difficult to be a friend? One would think that it was the easiest thing there is! The
reason is that there is something in ourselves which is always against our being friendly. It is the the ego.

As long as this ego is standing and lives, a man cannot claim to be anybody’s friend. And when he is not somebody
else’s friend he is not even his own friend, for one learns friendship by being a friend to another. A selfish man may seem to be
a friend to himself but, it is on the surface, not in reality. He has not yet learned how to be a friend to another, so he cannot be
a friend to himself. In our pursuit of truth we want to learn a great many things: the nature of life, the secret of life, the character
of life; and to understand the meaning of friendship seems so easy and simple that we never trouble to think about it, nor about
the responsibility of being a friend.

It is a simple lesson, and it is a lesson that we have to learn; today when nations are against nations and races against races,
when communities are against communities, and one religion against another, it is now that friendship is so much needed.
Besides, friendship is the first lesson of spirituality that one can learn. One may think that friendship, a personal friendship,
means nothing; that one does not become spiritual through a personal friendship. But one does. (more…)

 

 
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