1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

Who needs an extra dose of oxytocin? February 19, 2010

 

Another interesting discovery helps us to realize that the roots of many problems may totally differ from our ideas about them.

If you dislike most people you meet, it may simply lay in… the lack of oxytocin! Check out what a study says:

“A chemical best known for cementing the bond between a mother and her newborn child could also play a part in social behaviour. A new study shows that men and women who inhale a whiff of the hormone oxytocin rate strangers as more attractive.

When oxytocin courses through our blood, “we are more likely to see people we don’t know in a more positive light,” says Angeliki Theodoridou, a psychologist at the University of Bristol, UK, who led the new study.This effect adds to the hormone’s known role in human relationships. One study found that oxytocin levels spike after new mothers look at or touch their newborns and may help bonding.

Other work has hinted at the importance of oxytocin in social situations between adults too. People administered the hormone make overly generous offers in an economic game that measures trust, while men who got a dose of oxytocin proved better at remembering the faces of strangers a day later, compared to subjects who got a placebo.

In the latest trial, Theodoridou’s team tested 96 men and women in a double-blind placebo-controlled trial. After participants got either a spritz of oxytocin or a placebo, they rated pictures of 48 men and women for attractiveness and 30 for trustworthiness. (more…)

 

How to handle the tremendous power of romantic love? February 12, 2010

As many of you have learned from my earlier posts on the awesome book of Robert A. Johnson “Understanding the psychology of Romantic Love” (here and here), romantic love however attractive and delightful it may occur, brings more destruction than happiness.  Romantic love being the single greatest energy system in the Western psyche, is a tremendous power that attracts. If we can learn how to use it in a constructive, not a destructive way… may be the make up of the modern Western society can change for the better!

Let’s see the Johnson’s implications on the channeling of romantic love, please enjoy the way the author is unfolding it, so beautifully and truly:

 Romantic love is a spiritual power

Romantic love is one of these truly overwhelming psychological phenomena that have appeared in Western history. It has overwhelmed our collective psyche and permanently altered our view of the world. As a society, we have not yet learned to handle the tremendous power of romantic love. We turn it into tragedy and alienation more often than into enduring human relationships. But, I believe, if men and women will understand the psychological dynamics behind romantic love and learn to handle them consciously, they will find a  new possibility of relationship, both to themselves and to others.

When we “fall in love” we feel completed, as though a missing part of ourselves has been returened to us; we feel uplifted, as though we were suddenly raised above the level of the ordinary world. Life has an intensity, a glory, an ecstasy and transcendence.

We seek in romantic love to be possessed by our love, to soar to the heights, to find ultimate meaning and fulfillment in our beloved. We seek the feeling of wholeness.

If we ask where else we have looked for these things, there is an answer: (more…)

 

Romantic Love: A book EVERY Western man should read January 30, 2010

This book is a true revelation, an insight into the depth of a Romantic Love phenomenon. I would strongly recommend this book to every Westerner, but especially to men. For it makes one understand the nature of the so-called love life and how to deal with the obsessive search for love, so common for the Western mindset. The book gives brilliant answer on why relationships in our cultures are in a state of epidemic crisis.

The book is called “Understanding the Psychology of romantic love” and is written by Robert A. Johnson, a world-renowned Jungian analyst and one of 20th century’s most popular depth psychology scholars. The uniqueness of Johnson’s approach is backed up with his long-term visits of India and Japan, profound study of the Eastern philosophy and lifestyle. In his bestsellers Johnson delivers comparative analysis of Western and Eastern approaches which is still a rare take among scholars. Needless to say I am fascinated by him, for his works mirror my own views.

I’d love to share with you here the main idea of the book, but please keep in mind that by no means will my quotation replace the reading of it!

Catharism, the pure love

Psychologically our modern era began in the 12th century. At that time one of he most powerful of the early religions was the Manichean movement, in Europe called “Catharism” (the pure). One of their basic beliefs was that “true love” was not the ordinary human love between husband and wife but rather the worship of a feminine saviour, a mediator between God and man, who waited in the sky to welcome the “pure”  with a holy kiss and lead him or her into the Realm of Light. By contrast with this “pure” love, ordinary human sexuality and marriage were bestial and unspiritual. Many Christians at that time saw Catharism as a reform movement, a reaction against the corruption and politics within the religious hierarchy. The pope declared Catharism heresy, but like every powerful idea, the teachings of Catharism suddenly reappeared in the cult of courtly love (a worship of a lady fair by a knight), in the songs and poems of troubadours and in the “romances”. Some cultural historians belive that ladies and knights who first practiced courtly love were Cathars continuing their religious practice under the guise of a secular cult of love.

 

Courtly love

Thus the ideal of courtly love swept through the feudal courts of Europe and began a revolution in our attitudes towards the feminine values of love, relationship, devotion, spiritual experience and the pursuit of beauty. That revolution finally matured into what we call romanticism. The Western men began to look on woman as the embodiment of all what is pure, sacred and whole, woman became the symbol of a anima, “My Lady Soul”. (more…)

 

Frankfurt – the City of Men (photo-report) September 6, 2008

When I saw the streets of Istanbul or New Delhi being male-dominated, I could  explaine it with religious or cultural reasons. At my first look at the City of Frankfurt I was astonished to notice more men than women on the streets – I would say in correlation of 60/40 or even 70/30! Where all the ladies of Frankfurt  are- sitting at home? Sitting in the office? Or may be they simply avoid this male domain of business (Frankfurt is famous for being the finance centre of Germany)? Unfortunately I could not find any statistics, but my small photo-report may depict it much better.

What I saw in Frankfurt is that 1) it is the city of men, 2) it is designed by and for men. Now the photo-facts:

THE MARKETING TARGET GROUP IS MALE:

The only one huge poster on one side on the shopping street is for men – in Vienna the same shop (Douglas) uses only sexy posters of Heidi Klum selling perfume or make up for women.

Surprisingly there are not many ad-boards in Frankfurt (in comparison to the ads-overloaded Vienna), and another huge one I saw was a Rolex ad – of course, by a male model! (more…)

 

Why every man should serve in the army June 10, 2008

 image by jeffinmoscow

That is quite a hard statement and probably even shocking for most of my beloved readers… But let me give you some reasons for that personal belief of mine.

1. An army as an institution is not about making war. That is a totally wrong concept. In the first line it is about protection, for safety is the second basic need according to the well known Maslow`s hierarchy of needs.

2. Despite of the cultural diversity, it is very common in many countries that the education of boys is mostly being done by women (home and school). If a boy has a father living in a family (which is even not always the case! ), he sees the father far too seldom. Thus the male role model is often missing. In the army they have enough male educators.

3. They say, boys start a good friendship with a good fight. Boys are not that good with soft skills of socializing like girls. Boys need leadership and discipline probably more that women.

4. An army (in its ideal form, not any particular one) gives a feeling for order which is missing a lot in a civil life. One understands “the rules of the game”, learns to act fast and react appropriately in a crisis situation. One is mobile and strong. All the hardship of the army service is a really good life school. (more…)

 

Why women love generous men October 16, 2007

 

Most women love generous men. At least I never met any who does not :).

Are men actually aware of that fact? And if not than why? Because the ladies keep silent on the topic?

I love making private social studies with my friends and colleagues. One of the most popular topics – of course! – the gender relationships (actually I have another blog dedicated to that topic). According to my oral surveys through years, most of the girls consider two main things the most important in men: RELIABILITY and GENEROSITY. 

My favorite topic is generosity (and  reliability goes without saying!).

Why generosity is so important for ladies?

Let me give you my explanation. (more…)

 

 
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