1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

How to turn small talk into deep talk July 8, 2013

image by axinia

image by axinia

Normally people who tend to be introvert or are seekers in their nature can’t stand small talks. All sorts of (seemingly) irrelevant information about weather, food, holidays planed or done… all that sounds so endlessly boring for those who enjoy more philosophical approach in communication.

I socialize a lot and face this kind of a problem with small talk on a daily basis. I have written up some 2 very simple and helpful ideas for those who suffer from necessity to lead small talks and really dislike it.

1. No smalltalk is a waist. If you like to get to know a person, even a silly small talk can be very useful: even by hearing someone talking about the weather you can say a lot about the person (see my post about it here). And even if you think the person is of no interest for you – this might be huge mistake because we never know who and how can play a part in our life. There is a lot of verbal and non-verbal information in a smalltalk: the body-language, the wording, the emotion (for instance dislike of the weather), etc.

2. When you will accept the uselessness of a smalltalk, suddenly you will realize that it is in your power to turn a small talk into a deep talk! The best way to open up a person is to come to the core values, to talk about happiness and love, relationships, carrier related issues. Naturally due to my profession (recruiting) I start with job matters, asking about satisfaction with the job  and then it easily comes to the general questions about happiness, dreams, ideals.

Interestingly, it works even with groups of totally new people, on parties, actually everywhere!

The main thing is to love people. If you love people they will be drenched into this love and will be happy to talk more deeply with you.

Don’t be afraid to break the rules and break through a boring small talk. You will find out how many wonderful people are around.



7 Responses to “How to turn small talk into deep talk”

  1. In india people are probably more talkative they speaks about politics , weather ,corruption …with anybody…anywhere and anytime …..sometimes they seems tobe shallow and doesnt allow you to enter their mind ….

    • specially with villagers i observed they are very clever.They may be illiterate but they are keen observer and constantly evaluate you .they are very intelligent to keep you busy in other things while evaluating you and chatting and of course anytime they may override you .you may not understand when you trap in their plan. it is very interesting to understand their behavior and reactions …I like that …

      • axinia Says:

        interesting observation about villiagers, mahesh…i think i know exactly what you mean 🙂

        • ya sure ..in totality.
          Why I add that because ..1. No smalltalk is a waist…..2…When you will accept the uselessness of a smalltalk, suddenly you will realize that it is in your power to turn a small talk into a deep talk! . i agree with both
          specially second one is very interesting I mean to say it is never one way whatever your goodwill,good wishes you try to put many times may not work unless until you establish good trust with your actual work or hand full help only words does help i mean to say people also evaluate you on counter and react either appropriately or by either way. in hospital or in community setting while working or even while daily traveling I get ample of funny experiences … only thing is one should be open ,suggestive, should have sensitive heart and listening ear , patience ( usually people lack these qualities …) and of course impartial ,one should able to develop trust ….
          In many old age homes hundreds are waiting to talk but nobody is there to simply listen …( they are not poor by money at all … they are helpless with any relationship …( at least once everybody should visit to old age home or hospice where people are just waiting and no cure is possible …. then one will understand .. your first one )

  2. Thank you for the post. I totally agree with you. The turning of the small talk into deep talk looks so easily achievable now. So the first thing I did today was the checking up of my computer, but there were no comments – there were nothing to turn into the desirable deep talk. How should I talk that the shaking the hands would become possible? Would open the gates to the timeless value?

  3. […] How to turn small talk into deep talk (1000petals.wordpress.com) […]

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