It’s not a secret that today many young women in the West are not keen on getting children. There may be various reasons for this trend and probably we will never find out the true one. The governments of the “dying out “countries are making efforts in order to motivate their women to have children. For instance, in the UK they allow to have a Cesarian upon a wish if the reason for avoiding birth is the fear of labour pains. In Austria they motivate well-off working women by the 75% maternity leave payment in the first year. In order to increase the birthrate in Russia the government grants a “reward” of about 9.200 Dollars for the second child. Obviously these methods motivate some women, but the general trend of a childless life is ongoing and shows no end.
I thought of sharing my experience of motherhood motivation hoping to inspire some women for the fantastic primordial female role.
To be honest, I never wanted to have a child. In particular, a child “of my own”. A desire of giving birth to someone who would resemble me and be the “flesh and blood” of mine seemed totally strange to me. I was ready even to adopt some children if necessary because I believed that “own” or not “own” child makes no difference – every one can and should be loved the same way… After my husband and I have been happily married for 5 years we decided to think of a child, but not because “it was time” or surely not because “everyone gets children at some point” . We had somewhat different reasons.
I decided to go for a child for several boldly rational reasons, such as
- Good genes
My husband and me have good health and good psychological nature. We both come from happy families with strong pedagogical background. No alcohol, drugs or crime records 🙂 .
2. Life comfort
Having good jobs and living in the city of the highest quality of life in the world we can offer a comfortable birth and life for a child.
3. Strong value system
Having a solid value system of idealistic and humanitarian values we can offer a strong base for a happy and stable personality. A healthy mix of material and spiritual life secures a succesful and enjoyable substance of a future Earth citizen.
Having all that – why not share, why not pass on the bliss of a happy life?
However on top of my decision for a baby was something else: I wanted to raise a child as a global personality who would make this world to a better place. I wanted to welcome and lovingly host a soul of a high caliber who would actively participate in the current collective transformation of mankind.
Our daughter is 1 year and 9 months now and is a true delight. Interestingly, even now many people point out to me the unusual social skills of the baby. Already now it looks like she will grow into the personality I was desiring to give birth to. 🙂
As i started reading the post, i was surprised. as the thought of not having children seems alien to me. Probably here in India, as young girls itself we love to enact the role of a mother with our dolls 🙂 so marriage, becoming a mother and all is just the way of life for women here.
as i continued reading the purpose of the motherhood, i could not help and smile at the realization as to why we desire for children. I could not help relating it to my own current situation, where i am trying to set a lot of things right and make our lives better here. Then it hit me, that it was not for the comfort and enjoyment for me, but for the next generations. The whole purpose is tied to them. Although they still are not physically present as of now, but its for their sake that I am trying to bring changes in my life materialistically and spiritually.
Thank you Axinia, for yet another amazing eye-opening post.. 🙂
Thank you dear Tirveni, I know some lines would be quite shocking for many to read, but this is what it is. Having children is a great responsibility and I am amazied how some people don’t think about it.
Having now my little one I see how much love and care a child reqires, how much attention and support – I guess if the parents are irresponsbile about giving all that then the child will have big psychological problems. – Unfortunately in the West although people make children “carefully”, only when having really good life conditions – but they have big problems with giving love and affection, and children grow badly damaged with depressions and all that stuff….LOve and affection must balance the responsibility – like the left and right heart chakras :).
This post shows exactly the reason why more children are not opting to be born in Western countries. No offense, but it is mainly because the western people ‘rationalize’ so much! People in India do not analyze their genes or economic conditions and especially do not need any kind of ‘motivation’ before deciding to procreate. This may sound ‘unpractical’ from a Western viewpoint, but I think if we keep thinking about all this…then eventually the time to have a child will run out. When I was young I would also think of not having kids and just adopting given the huge population crisis in India. But as I grew up, I realized that having your own kid means much more than all these mundane reasons. I think this is where the ‘genes’ of Western and Eastern women differ fundamentally.
well the motivation may be not the right word, and such things as desires cannot be discussed anyways because it is something very personal and subjective…however I find it interesting how Mahesh Chandake in the comment below unveils some realities of birthrates in India…I mean making children as an investment in the future is understandable but – isn’t it also rational?
greetings for new year 2013
India and many other countries facing population explosion problem.probably India will bit China in this contest very soon and Will become no one. that is concern with social issue so far.
In India why we give birth to children there are many reasons…
1. Indian believes There is no ” mukti” release of souls ..unless we give birth to male child .oldest male child has to follows all rituals related to it so even though poorest to poor family who can not afford a daily bread they feel their first objective to give birth to male child in family as early as possible even there is pressure from older in family specially from mother in law to the female for that if there is no birth within one year of marriage lady has to suffer from many harassment. if even the problem in male they do not come for check up and easily think for second marriage. I wonder for triveni hope so she may not suffering from that pressure …but it is truth in all families .drama do not stop here if she gave birth to female child then again second drama started first thing till she is not giving birth to male child every year she has to give birth to new child in family till she get male child . here family planning doesn’t work . Now here technology also came in help as sex determination. If female child go for abortion. female infanticide is a biggest problem here now a day ..girls are disappearing very fast male female ratio is dropping below dangerous line since last 20 years.. so male child in family is an asset , investment and female child is a burden in family as she leaves family after marriage so no investment in girl child .. more ever they have to give huge dowry in the marriage so this is the psychology of parents here. She is never respected in family .even older female in family contribute lot in building such type of psychology.males are males they feel females are their personal properties whenever want use and through as many females depend on males ( financially..? as well as socially ) so they don’t have another way as psychologically she herself is deprived and not enjoying freedom ,self respect etc . single female can not leave safely in this country … refer the current news of rape and sex related violence .this is only iceberg . real picture is so horrible which you can not imagine too.
2. many parent feels children as asset in the sense that new laborer came in family who can earn for family . Dont think of children right they are far away from that ..Slum dog…child labor issues..domestic violence against children all issues are involve here . so for those children childhood is not joyiest … ,I know many single working females who earn for parents and parents doesn’t think for their marriage because they will loose their earnings…
3 yet another psychology is current children will be future support. they will take care during old age which is not so true as many males take education goes abroad and doesn’t return back…and those who are here literally throw older out of home harasse for estate even murdered … so high old age population is yet another big problem as there is no social security to them.
Another thing axinia you may not like but it is true that we can not decide about future of our children. we can be care taker ,we can be comforter they are free souls once they grew up they fly independently ..and should be.. parents should be obstacles to them they should be grow with their own purpose of birth.. really we are not decider of their future just we can be supporter . yes we can give them lots of love ,security ,comfort ,education,morality,good culture, good ethical background give power to their wings ..yes that’s all …really we must understand they are great and free souls with their own purpose of birth on this earth.
History tells …there are many great people born in very poor and so called illiterate family and children from very rich family spoiled not only their own life ,family but harm and shame to society too …As we do not know HIS planning . Big planner might be thinking separably….. so we can just enjoy present with such great ??!!souls which have come in our family .
I like your many concepts such as adopted and own child are same….life comfort..value system etc I am dought about gene… really we don’t know much about it because reason I wrote earlier …we don’t know about future, what will be our children and their future… really they will good..really dont know just we can expect same . nighter we can enforce nor we can judge…
…..starting new year with good post .. all the best, You should be no. one blogger in 2013…
Thank you dear Mahesh for the 2013 wishes and intresting facts about birth situation in India.
You are right we can never know the destiny of a child, and life confort does not matter much, BUt what matters is values! Reagargin giving good genes – I will make another post on that soon, I have made some intresting observations on it.
Shri Mataji said if these children, even great soul, would not need good parets, they would have grown on trees 🙂
Yes mahesh, these are the harsh realities of life here in india, and not just india i think its true in many other developing countries. And thank u so much for the loving concern about me being in such a situation, but thankfully i am not. 🙂 What i meant in my post about the reforms in my personal life were all related to better standard of living only 🙂
Coming back to your post, the way higher preference is given to males is still predominant in many families. However, on the brighter side i am seeing a shift in trend. Lot of people especially from my generation on-wards, are actually wishing to have a girl child than a boy, considering the fact that a girl is more sensitive and attached to her parents. I myself am the only child of my parents, and my parents never thought of having another child. But this is just a small percentage.
However, the percentage is increasing slowly. I think one day the world will be a place where the proportions will be inverse. In the sense people with all these strange conditioning and satanic attitudes will decrease over time. Already people are becoming sensitive to such issues and are voicing out their disagreement and fighting bravely against it. The same rape incident in delhi has shown how people are unitedly putting a brave fight against it. Y is this happening now, these issues have been there for a long time and people have been suffering silently for decades together, but not anymore. I view at it more as an evolution. We see chimpanzees, monkeys and we do acknowledge that they were once upon a time our ancestors but dont get too attached to the monkey business they do. That is how someday these seemingly large population with such satanic attitudes and behavior will become countable within sometime. We would know they are there and that is the way behave is the way they are, but its nothing personal. The evolution has long started and will go on and things will be as it is meant to be – Thy kingdom come, thy shall be done on earth as it is in heaven . 🙂
Triveni, Happy to listen from you.You are considering long calidoscope. Millions of years have passed to develop present man from amoeba. No dought changes you are writing are there in society but in very very small amount ,sporadic and may be limited to some communities or class only. You say we saw people have united after Delhi gang rape but it is half truth still thous dens of rape occurring daily as per statistics …every forty Minuit on e rape… how we say people are become sensitive…and changes their attitude… these are frightened parents thinking tomorrow it can happen with my daughter…
I must congratulate to your parent as they remain firm with their decisions and hopefully your family following good moral and ethical values and attitudes.we need such people in society.
I stay and work with semi urban and rural areas of India.What i observe is very bitter. Unfortunately we ourselves have got humiliation many times as taken decision of having only daughters and adopted permanent family planning. Still eye brows goes up when people listen from us as we are having only daughters.
In our time we have adopted two baby norm whatever may be male or female having adequate spacing as we heard about single baby syndrome. You must be knowing Still in India people doesn’t feel as a complete family unless until they dont have child in family .
Regarding comforts and better standard living I feel there will be never ideal situation to take decision to have children from family front or office after marriage but it is definitely sure that it changes your monotonous life.It pores unlimited joy , tremendous energy and of course positive,strong ,stable and firm family bonding hopefully people learns about more responsibility and behave. so they grow mature life very fast after child birth in family.
Axinia, investing in children may be right but should not be only in males.believe me educated people only think in that way and go for sex determination and female infanticide after conception .they don’t want to invest in girl child. You can get the ratios on internet also how much dangerous situation is.? I oppose that attitude . they are not enjoying healthy parenting. afterword they put the child in rat race and totally destroy childhood happiness of that child.( that’s why Mother says they can better grow on tree….. as parent spoils not only childhood but youths also is a bitter truth) everywhere they want positive business not love including marriage and life after marriage of son. and that’s why these children develop in such away , child violence, gang rape and poor attitude towards female result from that psychology. even their own family a lady doesn’t have respect unfortunately we have to agree a senior females in family worsen’s a situation more may be having impact of media as such type of serials are flowing 24 hours on all TV channels and seen by people. current ratios shows proportion of female infanticide not only in rural India s we previously used to think but it dangerously high in urban and educated and high class. Just think about attitude and present situation .I think you can not imagine too as situation far different in western country. Reasons may be different but i like ban to abortion ( obviously it should be permitted in certain situation when life is in endanger or in rape cases..) as we see thousands of abortions daily . It is equal to honor killing or a murder what to say more I can understand failure of contraceptives( which is very rare). Age of marriage is 16. as we stay in hot climet puberty comes early but no emotional development and biologically fertility ret is high in early age ,when they are not mature yet .already they are having ill health, anemia’s,calcium deficiencies are always there and they have to face multiple abortions in want of male child ….
Another thing Axinia , I agree no parenting style can be ideal hopefully we all are growing along with children and enjoying presence of God in our lives so what swaps says is correct sometimes learning from children or losing a compaction with our own child is or should be joyous too. I am enjoying my parenting very much still I am learning from them as both the children behave differently even equal love and sharing given to them so still I am feeling I am also growing with them……
Dear Mahesh, I am aware of issues of ahving only daughters in India but I do hope it will be beter with time. Also because today women can work and earn well, and it will be even better in the future – then it will not be necessary to see children and an investment, and parent will understand that also daughters can be a great support, even financially.
I bet she will be a good teacher to you! 🙂
Absolutely, Swaps, I am sure…she is amazing.
Although my mom says I was pretty much the same as a child, but Malini is definitly an upgraded version of me :)))
Few things are more rewarding than being beaten by own child 🙂
I too had the same thoughts as you. i decided to have a child after almost 5 years of marriage. and it has been an amazing experience. i love my son and hope to raise him into a beautiful human bieng. and we can see it happening already.
I appreciate your reasons and think the same way about children. Then, why not having a second one, and then a third? With only one child both of you are shrinking the pyramid of Austrian population (I mean, two becoming one). Do you have any reason for not having another baby?
Rene, good question, a second one is still an option…As of now, we want to enjoy an intenste relationship to one daughter. Later we can think of another child, why not :).
It was very interesting for me to read this post as I imagined that you were someone who always wanted children your whole life. Prior to having your daughter, for what reasons did you not want children? Have you had to endure harsh criticism as this was not a typical decision?
HI, thanks for this question… I had no problems with children at all, I actually was working in a kindergarten for about 2 years and enyjoed that a lot! No, I never experienced any critisism about not having children..actually nobody even asked me about it.
I have no clue why, but may be this is the reason:
I have this typical “motherly” minset because I do mother all my friends and relatives…for instance, I care about my sister and my mother as if i were their own mother. So may be I never felt much need of having my own child because I alredy had some :).