1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

Are you a greateful person? August 23, 2011

Filed under: thoughts — axinia @ 2:32 pm

image by axinia

“Are you grateful?”  – this is a good question to ask oneself.

I belive that gratefulness (towards God and people) is one fo the basic qualities of human beings. The appreciation itself and its expression as such are crucial as far as our spiritual and social life are concerned.

In that respect I am every time surprised how ungrateful otherwise nice people can be! Especially in the world of work, where people are not supposed to be friends, these things are much more sensible.

When you help people to get a good job, you train them and support their career – suddenly they turn they back for something apparently better, often without every saying thank you. This is not only my experience, but I heard that many times from various employers. This looks quite unfair to me. Why is it so that employees are not able to see all that good that has been done to them and take everything for granted? Is that lack of upbringing? Of ethics? Of understanding?

The most surprising things about it for me is that people who are generally very nice and sweet can as well be rather ungrateful, disregarding the amount of support they receive. I always thought that the goodness of human nature serves as a  base for all good qualities, but this is obviously not always the case.

The funny thing is that those who are helpful themselves do not need any thanks. They don`t do it for appreciation. But this is the ethics of the receiver that must work here and create the gratitude. Otherwise one day no door will open for that person.

LOVE, axinia 



18 Responses to “Are you a greateful person?”

  1. Axinia,
    extream Greediness,selfishness, hunger and power of money do all these things.
    Another thing is You must be knowing Birbal’s story of Monkey and her child. In tank when water was up to shoulder monkey takes child on head but when water flows above head ,monkey takes child under leg.
    Unfortunately I have examples that people goes up even very high on material basis but dont know why not only forget but they literally dis troy their supporter’ s in all respects including one’s Currier .
    Taking training in one place and doing job in another place is very common. people thinks they are less paid and more used in their own institution and they dont have due respect . so They dont have attachment they use that opportunity as a stepping stone… so story is endless. People very politely label it as politics in job….
    one should be always great full to everybody not only Mother/GOD as Mother/GOD helps through people around you. My night prayer never complete without thanks to Mother and of course people who directly or indirectly help to me even to those who are unknown and well wisher.
    At the some times I do prayer for those who are greedy,selfish,power/money hunger and troublesome to society and good human principle and ethics which I identify in day to day examples . Really they are difficult to manage when you cant avoid them and they are part n parcel of your working….

    • I have worked more than 22 years at one and same place . My experience about other people said unless until u give threat to management and if u fail to create artificial need of u ,u can not get promotion or even u can not call back with more better package…If u are doing your job unnoticed by other but with full loyalty you may lag behind and less paid, less impressed. may be topic change but feel related so posted as one observation about even on opposite side why people develop such attitude towards others..

      • Dmitri Says:

        Mahesh i agree with every point you said here..this is exactlly my exepiriance at work…i used to work queitly knowing my place in the hairchy of the work place, was doing my job obligations and when asked to do something extra i also donr that…and what happend??? i got more work, worse working place, where i would get less money (couse we get tips)…and i was just used by the menegers…so i asked my self why is that so?? and what i could see was that other people didn’t respect the menegers as i did…they could tell them NO, and if they didnt like something the alwayes complined…and that created headeches for the meneger which he wonted to quiet down…so i learned from them that in the work place u cant be to good cos it’s taken as weakens…so i also made waves and works…im still being nice but i try to look rude or make an impression (which is totally not me) of toughness…i spice it up!!! and it works

        • my few colleagues used to practice such techniques means all sort of madness (madness what i feel but he was having good results) e.g they will say yes but will do job haphazardly … support to wrong decision ,let all work get spoil and like such many solutions….How much they ware happy within I dont know.
          But they are successful and on higher position getting more name , fame and money….

          • Dmitri Says:

            hhhh im not doing any madness…and i dont look after fame or positions..hhhhh there ain’t any in my work…i just want to be treatd fair and not to do the most work and then one day of the week the meneger calls me and says we dont need you today come tommorow…so all i did is let him know that he can’t treat me like this…and actually the owner of the resturent likes me very much…he is alwyes asking me how i am and stuff..and i could many times get benefits if i’ve mingeled with him but i never done that

            • Madness in the sense they were capable of doing everything but to teach a lesson they used to do like that purposefully plz dont take it personally. The remaining stem I have not added is their spoiled work used to finished by reliable donkey who were forgotten when question rise to take credit. Then both of them were in front by default and reliable donkey used to remain happy in self satisfaction of completion of challenged work on background..

  2. vinayakah Says:

    Dear Axinia, I read in your profile that you work as a human resourcess manager, and so I think that we have quite simmilar area of experience with people. I am working as a project manager in one of quite big concerns, taking care of biger projects in a multinational environment. So I think I know the point you mention quite well from my personal experience 😉

    When it comes to a point of helping someone (even selflessly), we come to a natural tendency of people, to break bounds, if detected. If you help someone, and he is not beyond ego (and superego as well), after some time he will feel he is bounden to you for it, even if you were selfless. And he will naturally try to break this virtual bound that but posiibly exists in his ego/superego only, to make the next step and be not bound anymore. I experienced it countless times….. So, once you help someone, you can be 99% sure he will turn his back to you one day, as he thinks he needs to do it to be free to make the next step 😉

    The other side of the coin is the global experience of people, comming to the loyalty point. I am talking about the global experience, means something like a soup made of all experiences of various people throughout the world that creates a basic mood within them, comming out from this common experiences of everyone. It is supported by the newspaper and TV and other media very well. Loyalty is requested by the companies, as a basic skill of employee, to get the job. There is but no mentioning of loyalty of company towards employee (outch…). So people are requested to be loyal, to kind of surrender their lives to the company, but on the other side the company throw them out immediately, as the market, financial or any other situation touches the interests of the company. So if the loyalty point is not perfectly mutual, the behaviour of the employees from this perspective is perfectly understandable a well…..

    Solution lies in the clear description of the current status. This greedy behaviour we can see everywhere, is but rooted in the very basic structure of our sick society, but thanks to the same structure it will colaps by itself, as it is malignant. Just short mathematics: If company always decreases its costs, improves its processes, to maximize the profit of the company etc….it leads at the end to a point, where less people is employeed comparing to the previous situation. At the same time, the people that were not thrown away, and stay to work, dont increase in their sallary. There is only an increase of the capital in the hand of the owner from this action.
    So, and now humble question – for whom the company is producing the goods? For the jobless people they threw out, to maximize their profit, without understanding that the same people MUST buy their goods, to create that profit…..or for the ones with allways the same salary? It is clear that buying power of people in average allways decreases, and this will push companies to the more improvements and costs reduction, that will lead to the next decrease of buying power of people that will press companies to more and more cost reductions, and……….in a deadly circle, that will cause an inevitable colaps.
    We need to understand, that by this behaviour, where we transfer the money from salaries (used for buying goods at the end!!) from multitude of people to the hands of few corporate owners, will bring the colaps of the system itself.

    Isnt it amazing to witness the melanom to die by its own greed? What will be next, depends on us…..

    • axinia Says:

      dear vinayakah, this is quite an intresting perspective – to live in order to break the bound and make a new step, I never saw it this way. May be it is true…But leaving is not that much of a problem, the problem is leaving without gratitude.

      Is it not so that I myself has faced a lot of ungreatfulness, luckily no. But I can see it on the example of my boss, who is being a good businessmen has a compassionate and wise attitutude towards everyone, always very patient and good to his employees, and still people can be so ungreateful, even to such a good treat they get from him. This is something that puzzles me really.

      • vinayakah Says:

        Yes Axinia, the gratitude can but express in a person only, if he can sense the essence of its origin, and doesnt fall into an illusion of seeing it as a bound, rather than a selfless and sweet connection in between him and the helper and vice versa. You have a very beautifull relation to your boss, because you RECOGNIZED that qualities in him. What would have been your (or anyone else) attitude, if that qualities were not recognized at all? If but recognized, the gratitude can sprout, having no obstacles 😉

        They need not to brake the bound showing the back to the helper (or whatever the expression of the braking attempt can be) at all, but they mistake the gratitude that should naturally sprout from the recognition of the essence of the relation…they mistake it for a bound. And so the reaction.

        One can see that this funny mind makes us even break the beauty in the name of non-existing things 😛

  3. So, once you help someone, you can be 99% sure he will turn his back to you one day, as he thinks he needs to do it to be free to make the next step …. Two questions Vinayakah Sir-
    why we want that type of feedback? means somebody should remain great full always for given help once (that might be one your job to help/guide them) in another word why they should became slave of you for your once professional help which i smells even though not worded.
    Why just we cant forgot to whom I have help and purpose behind it even when I am in sound position of help?
    ( it is written in Indian literature that help given by one hand ,another hand should be unaware…)
    looking at your stem it seems no body will help to other …..
    It is very good discussion . it is a output of materialism,capitalism and extream greediness,selfishness as i already mentions which our economy Madam told us 20 years back and with extension she told when this whole system will collapse you should preserve yourself to support the whole system with your strong basics of humanism which will not exactly money oriented but may be service oriented I am not expert of this field but I just remember those lectures so shared as you have not mentioned solution

    • vinayakah Says:

      Dear Mahesh, reading your post I am not sure, if you really answer on my reply from August 24, 2011 at 8:40 am, or by a mistake you react on some other text.

      It is difficult to answer on things that you address to me, which I but never ment, said or even mentioned :-/ You talk about things and create baseless conclusions that are but not present even in the original post from Axinia, nor in the replies of any discussant. Why?

      Why should no one help the others? Where is this conclusion comming from? The tendency of people to turn their back to someone that helped them is a fact experienced and is mentioned as a fact in the original post, and has nothing to do with further offering of the help. I tried to explain my personal experience with the reason WHY it happens, and am not responsible for that behaviour of people, same as Axinia or anyone else is responsible for their turning back to her (or anyone else) after she helped them, as she describes in her post, isnt it? It is a description of status-quo and the objective of the discussion is to find answer of WHY it happens.

      Also I humbly believe you experienced a deep blackout, when you stamped me as the one, that for an offered “professional help” expect that the helped person “should remain great full always” and even worse – “became slave of you”. I hope you were out of mind…. I talk all the time here about total oposite of what you are saying!
      Did you read in my post this: “And he will naturally try to break this virtual bound that but posiibly exists in his ego/superego only….”. THE BOUND DOESNT EXIST, do you understand that sentence?? – the bound is virtual, just a helped person believes it is real and that he is bound to the “helper”, thats why the reaction of “turning back” and “breaking the (in reality virtual) bound” we are discussing here. He doesnt need (he should not) to turn his back anywhere if he understands that there is no bound at all, that it exists in his conditioned mind only. What slavery are you talking about?!

      Solution of the current situation, I described in the 2nd part of my post, is clear – society needs to ovecome the greed. Before that point is reached, there are no solutions. If you read carefully my post, you can find this part in my post as well…………the greed will destroy itself.

      Mahesh, did you create this terible post after reading my comment under the “tallent” discussion? If yes, than I understand it completely. But with the expressing of anger or whatever baselessly on other place, cause of a discordant opinion with yours, one doesnt help anything…..

      • No sir Absolutely not Again I am not blemming to you. i think you misunderstood me again. it might be my poor english. as a management person you must be knowing about slavery system. It does still exist in India.and it has very huge impact in Maharashtra more than 3000 suicides of farmer only in vidharbha? I know it has lot of angles I just mention in flow.
        Second thing your discussion is good no dought I want to take it on still higher position about attitude of helper ( who gives help)
        due to short of time just finish within one story -Saint Tukaram was taking bath in river .he saw a scorpion flowing so he pick up him but when he pick up him he bite so Tukarm just left him in water by spontaneous reaction but again he pick up him and same story repeat . so another person who was taking bath he asked you are saving him and he is biting you still why you are doing that Tukaram replied ” even though dying he is not leaving his natural habit them I am quite stable than him why I should leave my helping nature….”
        I feel it is attitude to be built within either helper who helps and forget and receiver remain graetfull even for minor and single help…
        plz dont take anything impersonal…. it is good discussion

        • vinayakah Says:

          Ah, I see your point now Mahesh.

          It should be a natural quality of a person rather than do things for effect, to share with others. The real sharing is possible only if happening selflessly. Like if you sing in by the river, anyone can hear but an idea you gave something to someone never arrises in you.

  4. anuradha Says:

    does it mean that we should never change work???
    because sometimes it might happen that for his personal growth its very much essential or may be due to some personal reasonas its necessary

    • axinia Says:

      of can course not, changing jobs is important and relevant for most of people (some can one work at one place for decades, though)… the point is how to still be greateful, for instance if you change job, you send new clients candidates/new to the former employer, or you many even come back after some time.
      In fact I started working in Austria for a friend who really gave me a lot, a great work training and a wonderful attitude. Still I had to leave after some time for a special reason. But after 4 years I came back – with exellent experience I gained in other places and with greatfulness in heart willing to give back all he gave me. I am still very supportive to this boss, even being on maternity leave.

  5. yogesh Says:

    Jai shri mataj ji what a great topics and situations and above all informative messages u write axinia, what a great bloger u are ??? and hope a good sahajayogini.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s