1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

How I gave birth to an “Indian” child or The fascinating pregnancy experinces March 29, 2011

the baby in my belly

The state of pregnancy has been considered sacred in all cultures around the world. After having experienced it myself I can definitely call it a mystical, truly spiritual experience.

It’s commonly known that pregnant ladies may have sudden gusto for certain foods, but believe me, there is much more behind! I went through a clear transformation of my character, preferences and interests. I was watching myself carefully and detached  and made this notes for you. 
I had no sudden desires for this or that, nothing what is considered typical for a pregnant lady. Just the opposite: shortly after I became pregnant I had to become…a vegetarian! That was quite a surprise, because I did not think of vegetarianism as of a healthy diet, at least not for our climate. In fact I used to be vegetarian at 19, but this diet badly damaged my health (my hemoglobin parameters went much down) and I decided rather to eat meat in order to keep fit.
Well, it turned out that the baby did not like meat, any kind of it! No chicken, no fish. Sometimes eggs and caviar. I really tried hard but could not swallow even a piece!  That was truly the most unexpected experience, because it was so clear that I was not “alone” any more, that someone inside my body could dictate some other wishes.
2. Music and art
I have always been fond of Indian culture. However after getting pregnant I could ONLY listen to Indian classical music (ragas) and nothing else. Although before I loved to listen to Mozart almost every day. In my pregnancy even Mozart was too much, needless to say that other Western composers or bands sounded totally wrong for me at that time.
Another “Indian” thing was that I all of a sudden got interested in Indian temple and palace architecture: I had a book on it that I bought once in India but never read it. In my pregnancy I would open this book and admire the pictures for hours together…I aslo wanted to see historical Indian films and touch Indian materials and ornaments… That felt very special.
3.The baby’s name.
Since my husband and I are of a Slavic origin, we honestly were looking through all possible Slavic names in order to find one that would fit well the family name. But something felt wrong. One day we went through an Indian acient script of Lalita Sahasranama and stumbled upon a lovely melodious name “Malini” (stress on the first syllable) with a wonderful meaning “decorated with the garland of graciousness”. That felt like a perfect choice!
4.My character
Another manifestation of “somebody else’s presence” in my body was that my preferences in socialization changed. Being a communicative, active person by nature, I started avoiding communication, meetings and parties as much as possible. That did not look like me at all! People were wondering. Then, being a balanced, peaceful person by nature I became even more balanced and peaceful. And I felt that this was the nature of the child-to-be-born. (more…)

on the birth of my daughter March 22, 2011

Filed under: thoughts — axinia @ 5:02 pm

Last week I gave birth to a sweet baby girl, and happy to share the joy of it with all my great friends here on the blog. The poetry of Rabindranath Tagore probably expresses the best the feelings which arise at this blissful happening…


When I bring to you colored toys, my child,
I understand why there is such a play of colors
on clouds, on water,
and why flowers are painted in tints
—when I give colored toys to you, my child.

When I sing to make you dance
I truly now why there is music in leaves,
and why waves send their chorus of voices
to the heart of the listening earth
—when I sing to make you dance.

When I bring sweet things to your greedy hands
I know why there is honey
in the cup of the flowers
and why fruits are secretly filled with sweet juice
—when I bring sweet things to your greedy hands.

When I kiss your face to make you smile, my darling,
I surely understand what pleasure
streams from the sky in morning light,
and what delight that is
that is which the summer breeze brings to my body
—when I kiss you to make you smile.

LOVE, axinia

image by axinia


SQ – Spiritual Intelligence March 15, 2011

The greatest criminals in human history had high IQs, but their SQ was far below the average…

image by axinia

What is SQ?

Spiritual intelligence is a term used to indicate a spiritual correlate to IQ (Intelligence Quotient) and EQ (Emotional Quotient). Like EQ, SQ is becoming more mainstream in scientific inquiry and philosophical/psychological discussion. It refers to a suite or set of propensities comprising: perceptions, intuitions, cognitions, etc., related to spirituality and/or religiosity, especially spiritual capital.

 SQ is “in”!

Models for developing and measuring spiritual intelligence are also increasingly used in corporate settings, by companies such as Nokia, Unilever, McKinsey, Shell, Coca-Cola, Hewlett Packard, Merck Pharmaceuticals, Starbucks and the Co-operative Bank. It has been identified as a key component of Leadership by bestselling business author Stephen Covey, who observes that “Spiritual intelligence is the central and most fundamental of all the intelligences, because it becomes the source of guidance for the other[s]…”

Modelling Spiritual Intelligence

There is a vide range of models and definitions of SQ. The question is new to the science and thus still very much open. Here are some examples.

Zohar and Marshall (1997)

The word “spiritual” in relation to the intelligence has no necessary connection with organized religion. A person may be high in SQ but have no religious faith or belief of any kind. Equally, a person may be very religious but low in SQ (SC). The word spiritual in the Zohar/Marshal concept comes from the Latin word spiritus, which means, “that which gives life or vitality to a system”.

Zohar and Marshall introduced 12 qualities of SQ. They derive these principles from the qualities that define complex adaptive systems. In biology, complex adaptive systems are living systems that create order out of chaos, they create order and information and defy the law of entropy.

Those principles are: (more…)


The illusion of self-assessment? March 13, 2011

Filed under: thoughts — axinia @ 10:55 pm


image by axinia

In my work I often have to do with people’s self-assessments, either at the job-interviews or later at the appraisal of employees. And the thing that strikes me most is how often people believe to be something they are actually not!

I don’t mean a certain quality is not being clearly seen, I mean that often it’s just the opposite of what they think of themselves. Example: a young woman considers being reliable as one of her strengths – at the same time she is notoriously famous among colleagues for being totally unreliable and irresponsible. And that’s quite a common case, my practice shows. Even in the online world I meet people who claims to be something/to possess certain qualities but what they post looks far away from being that… Puzzling, isn’t it?

Psychology teaches us that the self-portrait differs from what others see in us but I wonder how can that differ to that extend? Normally we make conclusion about ourselves based on repeated experiences. The same works for the opinions other people make about us. It is also well-known that each of us lives in some unique “Universe” and of course sees the reality and himself/herself different. But still… People often either overestimate or underestimate themselves and this creates such a confusion! It is possible to reduce this gap in perceptions? It is possible to be what one really is for both  – the inside and outside world?…

I wonder if you have also experienced this phenomenon and why do think this happens?

Thanks and LOVE, axinia


Sufi saints: Khwaja March 10, 2011

For the reason unknown I have a special affection for Sufi saints, although I was not aware of Sufi tradition until a couple of years ago. I have been quoting Hazrat Ihayat Khan, a great Sufi saint of modern times, here a lot. Now I would like to introduce another great Master, Khwaja Mu’inuddin Chishti of 12th century.

Sayings of saint Khwaja:

A friend of God must have affection like the Sun. When the sun rises, it is beneficial to all irrespective of whether they are Muslim, Christian, or Hindu.

A friend of God must be generous like a river. We all get water from the river to quench our thirst. It does not discriminate whether we are good or bad or whether we are a relation or a stranger.

A friend of God must display the hospitality like the earth. We are raised and cradled in its lap, and yet it is always under our feet.

A Bollywood movie Jodhaa Akbar (2008), one of the most beautiful movies ever,  includes a qawwālī in praise of Moinuddin Chishti (“Khwāja Mērē Khwāja”). It depicts the Emperor Akbar being moved by the song to join the whirling-dervish-like dance that accompanies the song:

Khwaja Mu’īnuddīn Chishtī was born in 536 A.H./1141 CE, in Sijistān, in Persian Khorasan, modern Iran. He was a Sayed, a descendant of Muhammad through Ja’far aṣ-Ṣādiq. He grew up in Persia. His parents died when he was only fifteen years old. He inherited a windmill and an orchard from his father. During his childhood, young Mu’īnuddīn was different from others and kept himself busy in prayers and meditation.

Legend has it that once when he was watering his plants, a revered Sufi, Shaikh Ibrāhim Qundūzī came to his orchard. Young Mu’īnuddīn approached him and offered him some fruits. In return, Sheikh Ibrāhīm Qundūzī gave him a piece of bread and asked him to eat it. The Khwāja got enlightened and found himself in a strange world after eating the bread. (more…)


Feminism: Psychological Warfare March 7, 2011

Filed under: thoughts — axinia @ 9:17 am

I found this highly interesting material at on one of my old friend’s blog, “Russian Women Truth”. I allow myself to quote some part of the post because it gives a totally different perspective on what we all know under “Feminist movement”.

Somebody or something with over arching control of our government and media had silently declared war against our families by targeting women with the message that marriage and motherhood were forms of enslavement to be marginalized at all costs.

But why?

Why would anyone want to encourage women to believe that spreading their legs from one sexual encounter to the next would lead to feminine “equality” and “enlightenment”?

How would denigrating Men lead to “happiness” except in the most twisted ways possible?

Feminism has been skillfully packaged to appeal to Women’s natural instincts for empathy.  And after 40 years of this non-stop packaging Feminism has sadly become a perceived “pillar” or modern society. Unfortunately at this stage of the game very little can be done to alter the perception of those that are committed to wearing the ideological chains of the very masters that enslave them.

But still..

If there’s ever going to be any hope in resisting the onslaught of feminism it must happen by awakening one individual at a time.

It is against this backdrop that the unusual story of Aaron Russo and Nick Rockefeller appears. (more…)


Modesty March 5, 2011

Filed under: thoughts — axinia @ 7:41 pm

image by axinia

Hayya, or modesty, is not artificial in the sense in which, for instance, obedience to many of the social laws may be called artificial. Just as wisdom and morality are learned of nature, so also does modesty come from nature. It is a quality of beauty. It is the essential quality of beauty which the great artist understands. By veiling his thought he conveys an impression many times more beautiful than does the artist who is unskilled in expression.

The poet dives into life, listening to that voice which is inaudible to those engaged on its surface. Not only poets sound the depths, for all men strive for beauty, which lies deep within each man’s spirit; but if any, after sounding the depths of life, have been able to convey something of their exaltation and their anguish at the touch of beauty, it has been the poets with their veils and clouds of language…

The highest phase of each aspect of life is covered and veiled. Christ, like every great mystic, conveyed the beauty of his teaching in veiled words. Religious language has always been symbolic; truth has ever been given through symbols, such as those of gods and goddesses, and the symbol of the cross…

In some parts of the East, women of society and education dressed for social occasions veil themselves entirely, and out of modesty leave only the feet uncovered; whilst others clothe the feet and the whole body except the sides of the waist. These customs would seem offensive to women of the same position and distinction in Western countries, who through modesty cover all except shoulders, neck and arms. Though these customs differ, all express the same tendency to modesty. (more…)


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