1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

Why a marriage works or not January 17, 2010

One may view a marriage as two people standing back to back , each protecting the other in a particular way.

It is the feminine task to protect not only herself but her man nad  her family from the dangers of inner world; moods, inflations, excesses, vulnerabilities, and what used to be called possessions. There are the things a woman’s genius can manage much better that a man’s. Usually he has his own task in facing the outer world and keeping the family safe.

There is a particular danger in the modern attitude in which both people face the our world, both spend their time in outer things. This leaves their inner world unprotected and many dangers creep into the household through this unprotected quarter. Children are particularly vulnerable to this unprotectedness.

When a marriage begins the partners are like two discrete circles overlapping a little. The division between he two is great and each has a specific task. As the marriage partners grow older, each learns a bit of other’s genius, and finally the two circles overlap more and more.

found in “She” by Robert A.Johnson, a Jungian analytic


10 Responses to “Why a marriage works or not”

  1. Föhre Says:

    I am not sure if I believe in this: “”each has their task”-thing, this “traditional roles of men and women”…
    For example it is usually seen as normal, that the woman does the cooking, yet I know many cases of men who can cook very good and enjoy doing so for their wives or girlfriends. I think each should do what they are “best” at + what they want to do. Now it may be, that in many cases women are better at “protecting from the dangers of the inner world”, but I don’t believe that it is necessarily true in ALL cases. I think it is important in a marriage to share with each-other, be honest and help where one can. It is known, that inside of all of us, there are things that are considered masculine and those that are considered feminine, it is a potential, that is inside all of us. I believe, one does not need to be a woman, to act feminine, nor be a man to act masculine. The true balance between this “poles” must not be merely searched in marriage, but also in oneself.

    • axinia Says:

      agree with you abslutely, Föhre! it was just a short quote, but the authors often underlines these feminine and msculine parts inside of every human being, i just did not want to mix it since it is sucha vast topic then…

    • pooyan Says:

      I really didn’t get the relation of what you are saying – which is of course true- to the main topic of the post, which is marriage ….
      I should say, the text was nice and clear, and kind of giving piece of info. about some future married life ! 😉
      happy to read the comment and post … Thanks to both writers 🙂

  2. Mala Says:

    It is so true that the more overlapping two people have the more stable their marriage will be. Many unsuccessful marriages are because both have their independent worlds with little overlapping. When time goes by, their little common interest erodes and their marriage dissolves.

  3. Tasha Says:

    Lovely ending sentences!

  4. mirel Says:

    … the two overlapping circles that validate all three parts – the “you,” the “me” and the “we.”
    always believed that true lovers hold keys to each other’s identities….

  5. gracierios Says:

    Thanks for the wonderful post. I agree the post. It is very important that a couples “circles” overlap. At the same time, I think that there are a few things that only men can do and other things only women can do. A women cannot provide physical protection to her husband in the same way a husband can protect his wife. On average, a man will have more strength than a woman. Again, I say…. on average. I have seen exceptions. As for a woman, women have a natural tenderness, and femininity that men don’t have. Most men, love that (again there are exceptions). I think it is beautiful so allow a man to be a man and to allow a women to be a women. By that I don’t mean that a women has to cook, and a man has to bring the bacon home. No not at all!! But it’s nice to have a man takecare of of his woman. :)))) It’s just the natural order of things. Nonetheless, women are completely capable of taking care of themselves and their families (now days many women do this)…don’t get me wrong. But it makes life soooo much more enjoyable to do it with a man who is truly there to help you and takecare of you and your family. Deep inside, I think all women crave that “manly” protection, but we don’t all admit it to ourselves.

    • axinia Says:

      absolutely agree with you, gracierios. There are always exceptions but generally women want reliability and protection in a wider sense of it.
      You know before I met my husband I tought I was a self-sufficient person, I could get on my own pretty well. But it make a huge difference if there is someone ready to take a part of your duties and tasks on his side :)..

  6. Mystic Rose Says:

    whoa! that pretty well expressed what I have been feeling within. It is the truth. and its sad how few people actually realise it. It just shows how far away we have gone from our inner balance, because of the disturbance in our world and psyches that we dont see the truth in it.

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