1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

Why make so much fuss about married life? September 29, 2009

When I was a young girl, people used to tell me: “wait until you get married, this is the real life experience, then you will discover how life can treat you!”.  Mostly, when mentioning marriages, many people start nodding all-knowingly, meaning “yes, this is a serious thing… can be difficult” and so on.

I am married since almost 5 years and I still can`t find out what is so special about this union in terms of it being more complicated than any other type of  relationship, because that is exactly what people seem to mean speaking of marriage in general.

I absolutely agree that marriage is a very special and even sacred type of relationships for many reasons. However empirically I can`t  make out that it differs from other institutions like friendship, colleagueship or between parent and child. People deal with same kinds of issues: love, commitment, trust, jealousy, pain, joy, sorrow, worries, sharing… but why does marriage appear to many as the most difficult?

In fact, I belive that marriage is the most enjoyable of all relationships because a couple can always be together. With parents/children we part at some point, with friends we normally do not live in one apartment the whole life… It is only in a married state that are not supposed to live separately. And what can be better than being always together with one`s best half, one`s soulmate, one`s love… May be that is what makes it so special?

LOVE; axinia

(image  by Natalia Andreeva)

 

26 Responses to “Why make so much fuss about married life?”

  1. Lovely photo!

    I’m unmarried so I cannot speak from experience.

    I think marriage is different from other relationships because it is the only one where an equal relationship between two unrelated individuals is publicly formalised.

    Equal relationships between unrelated individuals like friendship, colleagueship or even a casual relationship are not formalised ceremonially, religiously or legally. The only other relationship between unrelated individuals that is publicly formalised is an adoption but that is an unequal one. (Of course, the relationship between blood relatives is different.)

    So such relationships may break down and no one would feel any pressure to make them work. Marriage on the other hand, since it has been formalised, always puts some pressure on the individuals to make it work and a break down would bring some guilt or/and stress. Also, the presence of kids would complicate such things even further. That’s why it’s different.

    P.S.: By marriage being an equal relationship, I only meant the way marriage is viewed in civilised societies – a relationship between two equal individuals who primarily decide to marry out of love for each other.

    In backward, mediaeval, semi-civilised societies and “cultures”, marriage is an inequal relationship more often than not. Individuals marry primarily on the basis of things like dowry, caste, religion, family wealth, education, horoscopes, parental preferences etc. and then and only then, if at all, on the basis of love. In such primitive societies, marriage gives a “licence” for the males to have sex and thrusts a “duty” on the females to breed, raise children (preferably male) and “serve” the family. So the very meaning of the word “marriage” differs among the civilised and semi-civilised peoples.

    • adrian Says:

      Here is what I feel..
      The equality or inequality of a relationship is based essentially on the belief systems that are in place when the relationship is evolving… the belief systems of the individuals in any relationship have the opportunity to be mirrored, and can lead to re-shaping of original beliefs… Yet that still depends on the level of responsibility that each of those individuals takes on in allowing the belief systems to grow and expand into a union… largely through the conscious choices made and shared…
      A marriage… I feel… is an opportunity to awaken to what is possible… and the possibilities are infinite.

      • axinia Says:

        Adrian, thank you for this beautiful, very poetic comment!
        Marraige awakens and transforms a lot, that is true.
        However I guess that any kind of relationships is an opportunity to awaken, to know, to develop oneself. Everyting is possible under this sun and we should just be albe to see this beauty of any relationship…

    • axinia Says:

      a really good comment, Raj! I like your explanation that may be it`s because of the some kind of pressure people feel it shoudl” work out” and do work on it. yes, seems to be true.

      I was only wondering whom have you neen quotating first (”I think marriage is different from other relationships” …), becuase I never said that and also your comment was the fist one
      Regarding your last passage on backwards societies (I know whom you mean my dear!) let me point out that people marry for money also in so called “first world”, and they say the trend is increasing. I personally know some people who did that, being themselves well educated and clever. I think the percentage of love marriages is not that high as you may assume.

      • Oops, Axinia, I never meant to quote anyone 🙂

        This statement is actually my own explanation:

        I think marriage is different from other relationships because it is the only one where an equal relationship between two unrelated individuals is publicly formalised.

        I wanted to put it in bold, but due to my careless html skills, I put them in italics instead 😐

  2. Ldinka_108 Says:

    out of all the types of possible relationships there, only marriage turns into family when spouses get children (i’m not talking about “breeding” here). ideally, marriage supposed to promote healthy balanced environment for little ones to grow, develop and reach their full potentials. imho, it is why marriage is so sacred.

  3. Axinia,

    It’s sad to hear that the trend of people marrying only for money is increasing 😐 I’ve heard of several cases of (especially) young girls marrying much older (but very rich) men more for money than for love, but I thought it was a small minority of cases where the rich men are looking for young “trophy wives” and the girls are looking to lead luxurious lifestyles. The relationship would be a mutual one, not based on emotional needs, but monetary ones or to increase social standing among peers or just to “show off” the “trophy spouse” (both individuals). Are these the kind of marriages you meant?
    ——————————————————
    Ldinka,

    If, as a mother, you felt offended by my using the term “breed”, then I’m very, very sorry 😦

    Many dictionaries just describe “breeding” as the sexual activity of conceiving and bearing offspring, or in other words, reproduction or giving birth to children.

    I guess the word “breeding” carries a slightly unpleasant meaning because we humans have associated it with animals while we use better sounding terms for ourselves. Just another example of how humans think we were created by “God” who placed all the animals and plants at our disposal. I, of course, consider humans to be just another animal species, and that’s why I saw no harm in using a word like “breeding” 😐

    • Ldinka_108 Says:

      No, no offense. “breeding” is how called only very small portion of process of turning into a parent :-). i meant it in a broader way, so it is why i made my remark there to avoid any confusion.

  4. Ldinka_108 Says:

    Axinia, Vova, you are such a beautiful couple! very nice vibs!

  5. Nova Says:

    Beautiful Axinia!

    Loved the pic and the blog! It is so true that some times we ourselves complicate our lives by making simple things too difficult. If we wud just revel in that joy and not think of anything else… Is it so difficult? To just be happy!?

  6. Nova Says:

    Meant to ask you… is that you and your husband in the pic?

  7. sakhi Says:

    You guys rock! 🙂

  8. swaps Says:

    The credit goes to Vova 😉

  9. Seshadri Says:

    True I agree what you said the Marriage is the only relationship in which people can be together but it depends on the choice if you’re good in making your choice (Obviously it is good since it has been 5 years now) then it always a boon else in some rare cases it turns out to be a bane…I have seen the later part of what I said in many peoples’ life..So if you make a good choice then it is the most enjoyable of all relationships

    —sesha

  10. radha Says:

    wow beautiful freedom inspiring picture! just today on the bus was thinking to make a post on marriage. my marriage is based on 80% sweetness. sometimes i truly get fed up by friends who keep asking how is communication in our couple because they make of “speaking the same language” such a big issue. this is an example of making a fuss abt marriage. and i truly wonder what makes them so interested in this matter. when u have strong values estabilished in your heart you dont fuss about anything when coming to your couple relationship, you just live it and enjoy it day by day, am i wrong? 🙂

  11. radha Says:

    yes i also had the feeling that was the point. love & hav a great day, r

  12. Arlene Says:

    you posted a very beautiful photo of a couple, Axinia. nice thoughts on marriage and i totally agree with you that it lies on the woman if the marriage will work good or not. but if really it is totally one sided like only the woman loves and likes the man then am sure no matter what the woman do — it still won’t work. 🙂

    hope all is well. it;s been ages since my last visit to this beautiful blog of yours.


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