1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

People with big ego undergo hard humiliation tests October 27, 2008

 image by axinia

That is another observation from my life: people with big ego undergo hard humiliation tests.

In my life I am mostly surrounded by people who have great personalities – and that means not only being intelligent, brilliant, talented, charismatic but also also having a big portion of ego. Either this ego is the driving force to develop such a personality or one grows a big ego realising what a wonderful person she/he is. That is the part of the game, I guess, and probably the hardest of all 🙂

One interesting thing I noticed is that at a certain period of their life such people get in severe ego-tests undergoing a hard humiliation of their most precious values. Mostly it is in the realm of relationships, but can be in a friendship or at work. What kind of tests?

The game goes like that: one finds himself in a desirable situation, but can not get the ultimate of it. Because something is missing. This “something” is however the crucial point here and the person suffers. Example: a charming and adorable girl is in love relationship with a man who does not want to marry her although he loves her. The marriage would mean a full acceptance and appreciation for her, but she can not get it from him. Another beauty leaves her husband for the “better man” and faces constant humiliation in her wound point. Interestingly, everyone around can clearly see the absurdity of such relationship but a person stays “blind”.

Moreover, such a test can last very long, sometimes years until a person is finally disappointed and fed up. And only years after one can finally get the point and realise what was the whole humiliation about – just to learn to surrender the ego and may be get rid of some amount of domination (a natural quality of such a  brilliant human being).

And may be one day she/he exclaims: “Ok, I suffered it out, but what I learned is so precious!”….

LOVE, axinia

 

20 Responses to “People with big ego undergo hard humiliation tests”

  1. Sahaja Says:

    Hmm…..Interesting observation……I should say, I never viewed it this way…May be its that people with not-so-big ego would feel less humiliated in the same situations and likewise, people with no ego would not even realise till late that they were in humiliating situations…
    Well, actually, I never linked these two before…. so don’t really know if the latter happens because of the former but definitely, latter does happen with people and that’s one secret of their happiness!!
    Did I make any sense?? :O

  2. axinia Says:

    sahaja, you are deifinetly someone with a smaller ego 🙂

    This kind of humiliation…one can not really feel it, but one feels like suffering. That is probaly more familiar to many.

  3. Sailaja Says:

    Hi Axinia,
    This is really an interesting topic. but as far as my experiences concerned, i always witnessed many highly egoistic people dominating others leading a comfortable and happy life for over many years and they are the ones who humiliate others.

    But as the saying goes “as you sow, so you reap”, the consequences of his/her own behaviour have to be faced through. and this i observed is not immediate or relatively soon, but may take many years before they get realization. some may not even realize that they are so right sided.

    on the contrary i have observed that more humble persons are the ones to be more humiliated by these egoistic persons. what do you say?

  4. axinia Says:

    Sailaja,
    thanks for your sharings.
    I can only speak from my observations. Many be I mean a different type of a person?

    As I mentioned in the beginning of a post, I mean egoistical people who are very charismatic and brilliant in many ways, and may not even look very right-sided or negative! – that ones often do get into curcamstances as I described.

    On the other hand…
    You say “i always witnessed many highly egoistic people dominating others leading a comfortable and happy life for over many years and they are the ones who humiliate others. ” – but we can rarely really know about the soul life of others, unless they tell about it themselves.
    How could you know they are happy?

    What I know is that such people as you describe tend to hide their inner life and will never show any weaknesses. They may suffer from the humiliation by their maid 🙂 and you will never find it out!

  5. Axinia,

    What is the exact definition of the word “ego” 😕 As far as I know every person has got an ego of some kind or the other 😐 The ego may be used in the process of self-development by some, indicating that the ego is a tool that is under one’s control. While others may have let their egos turn into arrogance and take control of them, making them a slave of their own egos, hindering the process of self-development 😦

  6. Sahaja Says:

    @Raj — ego can have two meanings depending on context…
    1) “an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others ”
    2) your consciousness of your own identity or the conscious mind

    But is generally percieved as the former one….and i think axinia meant in this context is the former one….

    If its former, which most people see ego as…..its is “ahamkaram” and if its the latter one it might be “aham”
    in sanskrit…Thats what I percieve!

  7. Sahaja Says:

    the attaching of “Kara” shabdh here makes the difference ….
    “kara” – depicts action/making….

  8. axinia Says:

    Raj,
    I believe you gave quite a right definition of ego. Originally ego is a good thing, becuse it works like a motor of our self-development, right.
    But more often it becomes an ugly person inside of us, doing some destructive work.

    Sahaja,
    that is a beautiufl explanation- Love that Sanskrit reference!
    “an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others ” is indeed what I meant.

  9. swaps Says:

    Ego is what prevents one from accepting his faults.

    I like to imagine a man as a vessel filled with ego and awareness, lesser the ego, more the room for awareness. Just my theory.

    Axinia, I liked the classic ‘neither with you, nor without you’ theme of your example 🙂

  10. axinia Says:

    yea, Swaps, things happen…
    When I first heard these words in a song, I could not imagine what it means – but then I saw it several times. I guess it is especially in the West, where young people are so much afraid of any commitment, it is rather a common situation.

  11. Thanks, Sahaja, Axinia and Swaps. I guess I’m referring to “an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others” as arrogance that hinders self-development.

    Axinia, why do you think ego should come in the way of commitment in love?

  12. axinia Says:

    that is a good question, Raj!
    Ego comes in any possible way, and also in love.
    In a way, it helps to play a drama 🙂 – I always try to see it this way..

  13. Arianna Says:

    commenting on the bit from the beginning. I believe the ego comes BEFORE the great personality because ppl with healthy or even large egos are self confident (or at least that’s what they project), and in order to be yourself and allow such an great, genuine and charismatic personality to shine through, you need to have that self confidence and ego.. so logically, I’d say the ego comes first.

  14. axinia Says:

    thanks, Ariannna,
    that is a very wise observation.

    Ego comes first, and then, when pumpered, it becomes huge and dominating. Otherwise ego is what actually distinguish us from animals.

  15. I feel that all of us exhibit a certain level of Ego at every phase of our lives. Initially we may not develop such a huge ego as we are unsure of so many things. But as we become more and more successful, we also develop more and more ego. I feel that it is success that fuels ego. But as we go on, we feed this ego with more and more success until we become totally oblivious to even the simple facts of life! But as you said, people with high ego’s appear and like to project themselves as happy ones. Because, even though things are going in a totally wrong direction, they like to believe that everything is fine!

    I would agree with you 100% on your take on this topic. I have seen people for whom their biggest strength becomes their biggest weakness and biggest weakness becomes the biggest strength at different points of their lives. Inculding mine.

    Destination Infinity

  16. axinia Says:

    thanks, DI – I guess we are all in the same pot 🙂
    great comment as ever!

  17. Angelica Says:

    I disagree. A person who undergoes many humiliating experiences might develop a big ego as a coping mechanism. As a result, a cyclic affect occurs and the person needs ego gratification in order to cope with low self-esteem. People with terribly big egos who are constantly looking for something bigger and better do so because they are never satisfied. The scorn and humiliation of others most often does not result in humbling of the individual, it simply further lowers their self esteem and their “ego” may appear to grow larger, but their shell is only getting thicker.

    And it is not correct to correlate a person’s degree of talent and ability with their ego. I have personally suffered humiliation for being talented, especially in grade school, because my talents made me different, and the truth is that I rarely give myself enough credit for my successes and dwell on my failures as a result of low self esteem. A person does not have to forsake who they are, and does not need to be humiliated in order to be compassionate and selfless.

    Being talented and having an above average intelligence makes one above average, and therefore, not normal. Just like there are positive and negative aspects of every personality trait – there are pitfalls to these traits as well and being “not normal” always has it’s downside.

  18. Vesta Says:

    I fine that when my ego is in control life is difficult….but when I am able to be humble life has more serenity and security in what I do. As with all of our instincts…I must monitor them and keep them ballance out …They are all needed!

  19. Example: a charming and adorable girl is in love relationship with a man who does not want to marry her although he loves her. The marriage would mean a full acceptance and appreciation for her, but she can not get it from him. Another beauty leaves her husband for the “better man” and faces constant humiliation in her wound point.

    They’re neat examples of the situations in civilised societies that people find themselves in, Axinia. I understand the difficult situation the first girl is caught in. But what choice does she have 😕 How can she just give up on a guy she is mutually in love with? Maybe, she might be anxious to hurry things up while he isn’t. Wouldn’t it be wiser for her to wait, attempt to convince him and let things be taken to their logical, happy conclusion?

    As for the second example, if she was in a difficult marriage where he made life miserable for her, I can understand her action, support it and feel sad for her plight. If that weren’t the case, then I guess she deserves it. It was her own choice, her conscious decision to ditch her husband and go after a “better man”. Seriously, why did she marry her husband in the first place if she had doubts about him being good enough for her? Have marriages largely turned into fickle, formalised live-in arrangements in the civilised societies (just like them being largely loveless, drudging breeding contracts in the uncouth parts)? Whatever happened to love, lifelong commitment and the vow of “till death do us apart” 😕

    One more reason why the West needs to regain its lost spiritual Christian foundation, then.

    🙂

  20. Johnny5 Says:

    As the law of nature asserts, the bigger ones ego, the lower ones self esteem. I have to agree that ego and arrogance are such a contrived defense by people who cover-up, because they truly feel like crap about ones self.


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