1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

Why does the love go away? April 20, 2008

 photo by axinia

Looking at a close freind`s marriage falling apart, I ask myself “why?”…

Nobody knows how the love comes and goes, but in a long-term relationships there should be a good reason for love to vanish. My spontaneous answer on the “why” question was the following:

It is easy to love when the heart is open. To keep the heart open is not an easy thing! There are millions of reasons in our daily life that close the heart (bad news, weather, boring work, strange people, etc.). One needs to work on the heart to keep it pure and blossoming. To work hard. And the first step to open the heart is to relax oneself. How often can we really do this?

My point is that people who do not work on themselves , do to not take care of their spiritual and personal development,  – such people get bored with themselves and with the life-partner. And the love vanishes… Most of the people I know who DO care about their spiritual well being are in a beautiful, loving and happy relationships.

Can the growth of the both in a couple be the secret of the everlasting love?



The beauty of a marriage

What marriage really does to people

Western and Russian couple patterns

Things that make us thoughtlessly aware


14 Responses to “Why does the love go away?”

  1. Caroline Says:

    The emotional and intellectual growth of each partner is so important.

    But growth contains the seeds of the potential withering of the relationship if the two partners change in different directions.

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  3. axinia Says:

    Caroline, it is true, the direction of the delepment should be more or less same.
    That is why I believe that the best thing is to have the same/similar value system, that is even more crucial for a good marriage than love. But love is something that can evolve out of it!

  4. Peter Says:


    Great photo (separated petals from one flower) and brilliant post.

    May be the answer is in your photo.

    Everything that has a beginning has an end. 🙂
    Only the eternal things can withstand the destruction force of Kala/Time/.

  5. axinia Says:

    thank you, Peter, your answer is very philosophical and wise… But some things like true love I believe are forever.

    For example, I have a very seep connection to my own sister (https://1000petals.wordpress.com/2007/04/10/my-sister-the-song-of-my-heart/)
    , I am sure it is from many past lives, for it is very deep and powerful…and soooo much love! we are just like one soul… I know that this kind of love is FOREVER.

  6. Michael Says:

    In my own experience: Love goes away – but did I really have been in Love or has it only been a relationship with expiration date? If it would have been real Love wouldn’t it have been strong enough to survive and continue? Sometimes we realize after a period of time that commitment is not possible, cause we realize that our partner is not Mr/s. Right.

    Is it then better to leave or fight until there is no way anymore. As soon we use the word fight it might not be Love, even when we thought so before. When do we know that it is Love and when is it only Relationship? Maybe if your heart is in Real Love, then you know when it is worth going through everything!?!?

  7. axinia Says:

    Michael, what a wonderful comment!..

    As somebody who is lucky enough to LOVE I want to ask you:
    does Love ask questions? Does it fight? Does it prove? Does it suffer?
    Love only knows how to love…unconditionally.
    Isn´t it so?

  8. Michael Says:

    axinia, this might be the answer. Maybe only the ones which experience(d) the real LOVE can give this answer. All the other ones including me might just have had relationships. But there is future … let’s see.

  9. axinia Says:

    Michael, you are right..
    I am sure everyone can love, but there are two points here:

    – being able to love everyone (in the sense of loving people in general) – because this suggest you have a heart that opens easily and is able to emrbace many. That enables you to experience more deeper love to your “right” person too.

    – to meet Mr./Ms. Right: mostly people are looking at the “wrong” potential partner, because of the many conditions. The best example is feeling attracted to people looking like our parents. I can hosently admit, I immediately like the men who looks like my father. And I naturally feel attracted to that type of man. However it is the wrong type for me – the life has proved it several times! And the best man for me turned out ot be the one whom i would never ever have chosen “normally” and even would not have as a friend 🙂 Love is a mystery indeed…

  10. HuiHua Says:

    Im quite a fearful person, sometimes i don’t even know what im scared of, just that the feeling of insecurity is there. so i think i have a weak heart. however i love people easily and unconditional love comes easily to me. When people tell me that they don’t love me anymore, i still continue to love them, like u said love just simply loves! so i think maybe is not having weak heart? or issit?

  11. Raman Says:

    Dear Axinia,

    Love has been often referred to as something that is eternal – may be this is nature’s way of reminding us that nothing is really eternal and all is subject to change except for the all pervasive force that I prefer to call as god. Love, in my understanding, has also become subject to many restrictions of late (like the *conditions apply trick). For one, it is no more unconditional – people want their partners to give up something (smoking, meat etc.), spend more “quality” time with each other, not do anything alone, plan, experiment & experience everything together and so on. I gues this is one reason that tends to take away the juice after some time.
    Also, if we understand the real way of this world, I think we should not even be worrying about this. Love, if it does exist, will take care of itself and sustain. It is often the human mind that is breakable.

    I really can’t define love. Probably because I question myself on why should I define it.

  12. axinia Says:

    @HuiHua: your comments reffers more to the other post “your heart” – hope you do not mind me replying on it in there.

    @ Raman: For ages people treid to define love billions of times and I guess none has succeeded yet 🙂 This is certanly the phenomenon that fascinates human beings the most.
    On the one hand I agree that loves cares of itself, one the other hand I feel love is like a flower that still needs some watering…THis is at least wat i see around. even to say ” i love you” more than once in a year – makes a great difference! (at least to most of the ladies)

  13. radha Says:

    Also marriages end out of love because the all pervading love we ar eall merged in wants us to live the experience of a “breaking relationship” to understand more about ourselves and to keep growing. It s just my vision on relationships in general. i am not attacched to people and i am going towards the direction of having love for everybody at the same way. Growing, nurturing and sustaining a relationship is a myth as far as love is always there we should not worry about anything that comes and goes , that (we like to call it or) is eternal or not eternal. These are ideas. Love is not an idea, is the essence of everything.

  14. axinia Says:

    Radha, important input!

    I agree that an experience of a “breating realtionships” is really of a big value and helps to realise a lot about oneself and the world. However at some point a human being is tired of “breaking” expeirences and wants just a happy normal life :)) And – that is a great news – if one has done the classes well, IT COMES!

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