1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

Why women love generous men October 16, 2007


Most women love generous men. At least I never met any who does not :).

Are men actually aware of that fact? And if not than why? Because the ladies keep silent on the topic?

I love making private social studies with my friends and colleagues. One of the most popular topics – of course! – the gender relationships (actually I have another blog dedicated to that topic). According to my oral surveys through years, most of the girls consider two main things the most important in men: RELIABILITY and GENEROSITY. 

My favorite topic is generosity (and  reliability goes without saying!).

Why generosity is so important for ladies?

Let me give you my explanation. I believe that generally a woman has many more ways to express her love, her tenderness. It is not the case with a man. Even if he truly loves, he just can not perform that 1000 and one tricks, sweet gestures that a woman can (either it is the nature or it is socially based). He can not even protect! – in most of the cases we live in a relatively peaceful society without the need of any physical protection. Then what can the poor guy do? How can he express his powerful yet hidden love?

The best way is to be generous. And we, girls, know that! We know that and appreciate that. Generous with time, attention,  communication, money… Because generosity is the material manifestation of LOVE.

It is probably the only reason why the Matter exists at all (otherwise it brings only trouble!).

So if you love – express your generosity.

If you do not love – still express it and you will love! 

Because generosity opens the heart.

LOVE, axinia

Relevant posts:

GENEROSITY. The power of Giving.


31 Responses to “Why women love generous men”

  1. I think the generosity needs to extend all the way through, giving not only time and material things… but also of the self.

    Nina and I have taken our love to the level of switching bodies and merging into one being, and generous release of ego is one of the key ingredients.

  2. axinia Says:

    I dont know what you mean by sharing the “self”.
    Out of my personaly experience I know that “self” is not really “sharable” (if one can say so).
    The SELF if allperwading, when you touch it in the depf of your being – it has no limits, no time, no end…
    Can I share something that even does not belong to me? Here the most beautiful words said about this state: Tad Niskala by Adi Shankaracharia


  3. I agree with you completely, but I live in America where the self is treated as a commodity.

    We are born thinking that Ego is the most important thing. We must “make a name for ourselves” and “leave our mark on the world”.

    Then we must learn to let go of this sense of controlled identity and embrace the real self, as you said.

  4. axinia Says:

    You are right, fullbodytransplant – we live in the ego-driven society and that explaines everything. Und, unfortunately, very often people confuse “the self” with ego…
    When I say “I want this and that” who is this “I”? Mostly it is our ego 😦

  5. JV Says:

    On the light note, women would love their men to be generous only to them, not to others.

    Argumentatively, if woman is expressing her love by tenderness, man is expressing by protectiveness, sheltering, feeding etc.,

    And you are right that in the modern society the requirements ,for which a male was provider, are secured through by the civilized society. Therefore, the social scientist have found in research that in last few decades males are more and more leaning towards beautification and preening etc., which was the domain of females.

    So, still women are genetically coded to appreciate a man who is able to provide her needs, generously.

  6. axinia Says:

    Straight to the point, JV!

    Only one thing: let me disagree with “women would love their men to be generous only to them, not to others”. When we go out with my girlfriends and my husband, I am more than proud and happy if my husband pays for everyone! – probably it is the matter of love and trust.

    But I believe GENEROSITY is like LOVE – if it is there, you are generous to everyone, if not – no. Do you believe is selective generosity??

  7. JV Says:

    “Pays for everyone”, there is the point, it is material generosity, (apologies for being harsh)that perhaps bloats your “ego”. Would you mind if he starts paying attention to them?

    And yes what is generosity IS love. I did not mention that in the last comment, because it would have diverted the subject. Because when you said “women like generous man” , the theme became selective. Let me say everyone likes generous a human being.

    There should not be selective generosity, but we find it there. People become generous depending upon person, situation etc.,


  8. axinia Says:

    Dear JV, i see your point!

    If you are a truly generous person – what I assume you are – than you understand that the generosity like inviting your friends (paying for them) is a great pleasure indeed and has nothing to do with ego. Probably with some people it is the case, but we are talking about true generosity here.
    Apart from that my dear husband does pay attenion to many people, also to women, but his attention is of another kind (luckily he is a deep Yogi and that make a huge difference!!!)
    Regarding selctive generotisy:
    I feel that women are more generous, only because it has soemthing to do with the basic motherly pricipal of giving. Men are also generous, but they sometimes have difficulty to express that – because it is often not expected from them, or because women do not show appreciation.
    Dont you think so?

    I really enjoy the way you lead this discussion! 🙂

  9. JV Says:

    I am glad you enjoy the discussion. Thanks for tolerating me , as I can be argumentative at some time.

    My point is that generosity is expressed form of love. You are generous because you love. Up to that extent it is okay.

    And you are right there, that male find hard to express love and therefore they are generous.

    But my worry is that because generosity is considered as expression of love , it becomes hard to tell that a person is genuinely generous , or generous merely to gain some advantage or disadvantage, because it is hard to tell the difference.

    So, true generous person is generous at heart. Expressing love is optional. Definitely, inviting friends and paying for them gives you great pleasure. But what if I have no resources or incapacitated ,for any reasons, to do so?

    Does that mean I do not love anyone, because I am unable to express?

  10. axinia Says:

    Dear JV, there are so many ways to express love and generosity… Not only money :)What about poems??? 🙂
    I always wanted to have money mostly for the reason fo buying presents.. And I do. Every time I have a guest here, I go shopping and buy wonderful clothes for her/him. But I am not rich at all!
    I love dressing people up 🙂 – it is only one expression, there are so many others…

  11. JV Says:

    I agree, giving present is pleasing thing. I too like to do (may not give presents etc) things for people. I mean helping them with the chores of which I can do reasonably well.

    What I mean generosity is a person who has love for everything in the existence. Person who wish , pray for the abundance , wellbeing for everyone and he doesnt have to express in action or gesture. What he express is not felt by the ordinary five senses.

    Though, I do not disagree with your view of point (as you have put particularly for women), but this is what I mean by generosity.

  12. axinia Says:

    Now I see what you mean! It is a kind of generosity of a spirit, right? But this goes without saying to me…
    However I feel that the true love and generosity WANT to be express through this material universe: like the generosity of the Mother Earth is being expressed throught the blossom and fragrance of flowers.

  13. radha Says:

    its funny, i remember one time when i was at maybe 7th-8th grade at school and our teacher of litterature/history/geography asked to the girls in the classroom “which one is the quality that your future husband should have”, to which i replayed generosity. the teacher with surprised smile asked me why and i went: i dont know, its the first quality i just thought about…So i didnt forgot this episode! now after 20 years from that i can say that generosity just makes you feel good, thats why its cool, thks for the post

  14. axinia Says:

    Interesting note, Radha! I liek this point “It just makes you feel good” 🙂 It DOES!!!!!!!!!!

  15. […] 4. Why women love generous men […]

  16. Mai-Kim Says:

    I believe its an important quality. Men who have quality and are perceptive will understand what a woman means by this. I once told a man this is a quality I wanted in a man, and I felt he may have took it the wrong way. I find half of the men get what makes a woman happy immediately, and the other half are completely selfish and lost.

  17. khalidin Says:

    Love is life and life is combination. Impossible love without life and life need love. Life is combination between some ones with the other one, so by combination will present the next one. That is why love is needed for life

    • linda Smith Says:

      The one who was my boyfriend a few years ago , got lucky with a business idea and he became rich.
      He was generous then, and after his success he became “super generous” he started to offer jobs to women he found in the stress, and to people who got out of prison, he offered his advice to people who started small new business in the small palm beach island he lives, Allan had sexual affairs with almost everyone of the women he employed at his motel. His money generosity was the tool he used to by women affection, then to buy their silence when he wanted a new “adventure” !

  18. mahesh chendake Says:

    I fully agree with you . I fill It is the quality every men should posseses if they want happy marriage life further I want to comment that wives are causious on behalf of husband’s genriosity to others specially females considering faith& respect also. may having fear of loosing.
    I have observe most of men use this quality purposefully to attract feminine. & i think it very difficult to them (women)to find real love & chuse real one amoung all around them.
    Most of the men do not expressive even though they love truly may be don’t know how to express that ,I Need ,I care, I love & I do proud being with her and I am happy also. Many wives do understand that but still they expect that should be expressed & do not deemand . If men fails in that ( exclude selfish men) they may lead to long standing frustetions leading to depression within . They may not comment on this but carry all over throughout life, lossing true enjoyment of life (still they remains faithfull and curse to theit faith). so finally love needs expression even though it is true & Genoriousity is one of the best way to win their love ( their true true satsfaction within) . They not ony like but get satisfied also by understanding that somebody truly loves them and not selfish expresses it by heart. ( Materilism do matter largest portion as many of them think it is the way of living life and we can by joy & comfort up to some extent.)

    • axinia Says:

      beautiful comment, mahesh, thank you!

      • Mahesh chendake Says:

        Thanks, I hope you will tollarate me still more …..
        Womans are well driven by emotions . For both usually to develop positive emotions towords life such qualities are important which help to build a relatively good & healthy relationship, of course mutual adjustments….. most of the men taken granted that she is with me and no need of such small small things and they are neglecting for such things .here picture may come that he is conservative with wife & genrous with others.(Here I have not consider purposeful activities to attract faminine & prestige) even in the true sense also I personally feel that men should develop such attitude & genrosity to maintain & develop good mutual understanding, better relationship and good mental health. I feel they get support , security, love , satisfction from such small small things, appriaciations, motivations,No need of costly gifts,presents and surprises.( if possible can be given).just they should get inner feeling that my husband is with me ,he cares,he supports,he is being proud with me , He needs my presence & suports.He is with me even though rest of the world is walkout and much more but it should be in true sense not playing with emotions. Good verbal & non verbal communication is important.one should humble down,keep egos away and express.one should not taken granted. still she will suport & will carry on but she will get mentally disturbed by this attitude of taking granting. so to take care of emotional componant it is important and can be developed constructively if not within which makes two and much more lifes happy and mentally healthy.

  19. Lulu Says:

    So well put… Honestly at this point I’m not even sure I care about the gender any more (yes that’s how disenchanted I am with men)… If a woman came by fulfilling all my criteria for a partner I could look up to, respect and dedicate myself to completely, I might just go for it…

    Men have it so well today… They don’t have to provide for women (properly), yet reap all the benefits that come with it and then some…

  20. How good I am not a girl, but a woman, who grow up and don’t consider men as anything else than other co human who don’t have to perform any gender expectation and who don’t have to spend me anything, even in a couple relation.If I need something, I get it myself.

    If a partner would betray me philosophically, I would get morose.
    But please, spare me any material crap suppose to improve the mating ritual.

  21. Shiraz Says:

    Actually, This is a double standard of our society and women especially.. There was a time when women did not have any rights but now women have equal rights as men. Today women are earning money, they are driving cars, they r running business in short they are doing everything a man does. Interestingly if a man is against this new role of a women, women call these men backward, narrow-minded and conservative etc… coz women think men and women are equal. To this point everything is OK. but when it comes to a relationship, women become too traditional. They don’t want to come out of their traditional role, they become too conservative and narrow-minded. They still want to see a man as provider, giver and generous even these women earn their own money but they don’t want to pay for them, they don’t want to spend money on them coz this is against their traditional feminine role which they don’t want to lose at any cost. This is the only thing where women want to retain their traditional role but in other aspects of life they have broken all barriers but they don’t want to break this barrier because it directly hits their heart badly. Miss Axinia says. she is proud of her husband paying for her female friends. and also he is very happy with this situation. Actually he is either very stupid or very lusty man. Coz most of the men are always trying to make women happy for gaining female attention. Men are very visual creatures and they become sexually excited by looking at so many beautiful and sexy women and they start emptying their pockets and wallets to get attention and women know this man weakness very well..Question is that in this era we are living in, where women are also earning, why they don’t want to pay for men ? Today women want to eat their own cake and also they want men to give them their cake to show how generous they r.. but the women don’t want to give a small part of their own cake to men coz this is their traditional feminine role.. women are highly selfish and materialistic creature and they have clearly double standards but in the end.. You must know that lots of men understand that lots of women use men for money. Many relationship have ended just because men understood that they were being used by their wives and their female friends for getting money. Another question arises here how a self-dependent woman will react if a man expects her to pay for him ? I am sure She will explode in anger.. lolzzzz This is a truth.

  22. Ben Says:

    I think everyone both men and women loves reliability and generosity, and everyone has a ego. I do not see a problem with having a ego and wanting something I think this is great as long as we have realistic expectations of how to get it and don’t get it at the expense of our own or others present or future. I do not see selfishness and unselfishness or ego and helping others as separate. For all good does good to BOTH ourselves and others. If it is good for others and bad for us it is not truly good, and if it is good for us and bad for others it is not truly good either. Everyone is connected, so I do not think there is any such thing as selfish or unselfish people. Its more a matter of truth and how much we have learned about what creates happiness and good for ourselves and others. The problem is ignorance and fear of learning or giving because we expect truth to be bad or the resources of value to run out leaving not enough for us. But truth and love gets better when shared and are resources without limit and in those values are very RELIABLE and we can be as GENEROUS as we like wth them. But if what we look for is a man who relyingly can bring in a stable income and be generous with money he doesn’t have, then we do not understand the true value of things. Nor do we if we expect women be RELIABLE in always looking young and be GENEROUSLY unconditional in her trust or love, for trust and love is earned and require hard work, and hard work on these good values is good for us 🙂 The key is what we value. If we have good values we will ALWAYS get whats good and can get ALL we desire. If we have poor values then we are in for a rude awakening that will leave us and those who care about us and trust in us in pain as well.

  23. Virgil Says:

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  24. SpikedYum Says:

    No thanks, I will prefer keeping my self respect and dignity, I am not selling that for any woman.

    “Men cannot give the thousand gestures like women can”…What are these gestures? The fact is, they can, they do. The only difference is that men respect and love it when you do, we see it as enough, where as women like you, don’t. There is no difference other than the people it is aimed to. If you don’t appreciate the same gestures men give you, all while expecting men to appreciate the same ones you give him, then you’re not much of a catch, and I feel sorry for any man you trick in to a relationship.

    Men are not your personal piggy banks. If you think a man’s role of love is to buy you things, then you have no idea what love is, and coming from me, someone that borders on sociopathy, it’s saying something.

    All this is to me is “I will be tender with you, and you should appreciate that as love”, then going “You think being tender with me is enough to show me you love me!? It isn’t! Buy me things!”.

    You are not someone anyone in their right mind would respect. You clearly think men are nothing but a piggy bank to get you free stuff. If I have to pay to have a woman, then I would go to a prostitute.

    This is just sad. If you think men will actually love and appreciate this for you, then you clearly do not understand men, which isn’t that unexpected from women nowadays.

  25. linda Smith Says:

    I completely agree that in this days where we are safe , the most important way man can show their love to women , it is with generosity .

  26. Jamesgarrity Says:

    I never want a girl to go hungry.i don’t mind if a girl eats my lunch.i’ll get something from the vending machine.

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