1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

I do not believe in God. June 13, 2007

 photo by axinia

I do not belive in God. And I never did.

I grew up in the Soviet Union with my both parents being convinced atheists. However my grand-grandparents who were born and grew up in Czar Times, were very religious. One grand-grandmother was known to be a holy person in her village; another one could heal with praying.

Once, when I was 8 years old, I bet with my grand-grandma Nura (who was a deeply religious Christian-orthodox) that God did not exist. I said: “I will spit now in the sky. If there is God he will punish me immediately!” – Nothing happened afterwards; I won the bet and was even more convinced in my atheism.

Later I turned out to be a seeker. Already at school I was very keen on psychology as I wanted to find a method how to develop myself. But I wanted some sort of a crash course: a method how to grow fast! Unfortunately psychology (which I studied later at the University) made me extremely conditioned and showed only a tedious way to self-development. And I wanted to have it fast! 

When I was 20, a distant friend identified me as a seeker and made me curious about one kind of yoga (Sahaja Yoga) that could let me within seconds diagnose my physical and psychological state and (!) correct it very fast and painless. That was it!

It was like a breakthrough into another dimension. The most wonderful and fascinating experiences of meeting my Self, my Spirit have been showered upon me and washed away lots of nonsense from my stuffed with useless knowledge head. Day by day I have been plunged into the vast ocean of bliss and joy… My life has become fresh and intense, bubbling with rainbow colors and drenched into the sunshine… Isn’t it divine? – You may ask me. IT IS!

And yet I claim that I do not believe in God.

I know God.

LOVE, axinia


75 Responses to “I do not believe in God.”

  1. axinia Says:

    Believing means “not knowing but hoping it exists”. And it is a huge differnece to me between “knowing ” and “believing”.

  2. Winslie Gomez Says:

    I like the consistency in your writing and the inner peace you want the world to share with you.

    You may perhaps hopefully form a new revolution.

    Wish you the very best in your endeavour.

  3. axinia Says:

    so sweet of you, winslie!!
    but i am not special, everybody is like that.
    one has to only awaken the powers: i know only that self-realisation is the key.

  4. Joseph Says:

    I have come a cross loads of people who says THERE IS NO GOD including ME… but always wondered why this WORD called GOD exists ??

  5. axinia Says:

    you can call it whatever you like, i think God is just a conveniet, short word for this phenomenon 😉

  6. sj Says:

    Carl Gustav Jung said a similar thing – he said he did not so much believe in God but that he knew God exists.

  7. Goldmare Says:

    Interesting, indeed. I don’t know how it’s possible to know someone or something you don’t even believe exists, but I suppose that’s beside the point.

    You know, a lot of professed atheists actually do believe in God, in a sense? Einstein, for instance, believed in Darwinism, yet he himself admitted that Darwin’s theory couldn’t have actually happened. Yet he chose to believe it anyway. My only guess is that he simply didn’t want to believe in God, regardless of whether He actually exists, so associated himself with the only reasonable alternative.

    I guess that is sort of what you mean? It’s a bit strange to me, but people can believe things that they in their hearts know aren’t true, and also disbelieve things they know are true. It’s a testiment to the stubbornness of human nature, I suppose (at least, in most cases that I’ve seen it is mostly attributed to stubbornness).

    For me, though, there is no possibility but belief in God, specifically the God of the Bible, because without Him (or at least, some godly being), then the world was not created, making evolution the only plausible explaination. But I cannot believe in evolution, either. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

    Also, as long as God does not technically exist, then there is no accountability for our actions to a higher power – like in Great Big Sea’s song, “Consequence Free” – so as long as we don’t do anything “illegal” by human standards, we’re ok. That just sounds like avoiding responsibility for one’s thoughts and actions to me, but that’s just my opinion.

    Also, in direct response to your last comment on my blog:
    “Being a spiritual person means one has found the Spirit, the own Self.
    If you have it – then no concept exist for you, only your true experience.”

    Well, that in itself is a concept… that concepts cease to exist once you found the Spirit. Even the existence of a “spirit” is just a concept, if you want to look at it that way. How does one know which concepts are true, and which are false? I could get into that, but this comment is already too long. XD; Maybe I’ll make another post to my blog about that later.

  8. axinia Says:

    I know quite a few people who have similar experience as I do – it means, my perception is not subjective.

    And even such a wise and respected man as Carl Gustav Jung seemed to knew it 🙂

  9. axinia Says:

    Goldmare, many thanks for such an extended comment!

    It seem to me you have been thinking quite a bit about all those things. However unless and until you have some deep expereinces there is not much sence in discussing anything I think.

    Experience is never a concept, it is a living thing. However it is quite difficult to express in words the fantastic states which a human being is able to expereince.

    May be only poets can do that – that is why i often post my fovorite poems by people who obviously had expereinces similar to my ones (Rumi, Kabir, Tagore, Williame Blake)…
    I wish you will join one day! 🙂

  10. Goldmare Says:

    Hehe, yeah, I tend to let my brain just… run with things…

    I’ve had plenty of experiences. Everyone has, it’s just a question of recognizing them or not, as some people are just not perceptive enough to notice divine intervention, or a spiritual experience. Also, I am familiar with my mother’s experiences, mostly in the form of answered prayer.

    Also, many people will twist “experiences” to mean whatever they want them to mean. It’s not unusual for an Darwinist and Creationist to both view the same “evidence” as support for their own beliefs, fore instance. I’ve experienced this myself in debates I’ve participated in. So, experience is valuable, but not infallible, because different people will interpret the meaning of it differently.

    I love writing poetry… mostly mine are merely of a descriptive nature (such as the prose I wrote in my second-to-last blog post), but I have some that go a little deeper. If you’d like to check them out, they are featured both in my portfolio ( http://portfolio.seradae.net.tc ) and on Allpoetry ( http://allpoetry.com/Goldmare ).

    ^ Completely shameless plug… *cough*

    I’m not sure I know what you mean by “wish you’d join” though… join what? :S

  11. […] are flowers on the Earth planted by God for people to teach from each of them. And as Axinia has mentioned, there is a part of God in each of us. Therefore, I see the aim of my life in the […]

  12. Having read the post and all the comments to it, I really would like to join axinia’s words underlining that only your own experience is worth something not the concepts we are all trying to describe. And there is a way not only to know about your Spirit but to experience and to feel it (foloow axinia’s suggestions in the post). Why not have at least a try? And then may be there will be fewer words 🙂

    I was also struck by the words of Goldmare that he does not believe in evolution. So, what is the aim of our being here then? Just to have a nice sleep, some work and some food? I am sure you do not believe in that. I hav dwelled on this issue a bit in one of my posts: http://eternalvalues.wordpress.com/2007/06/14/are-religions-flowers-on-the-same-tree/
    The post is also a contemplation on the idea of why there are so many religions and whether they are flowers on the same tree.

  13. axinia Says:

    thanks for sharing your view and a very interesting like. it surprises me that what you write is not that evident to many though..

    one can see you like writing! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your poems, I will check them.
    By “joining in” I meant knowing WHAT YOU ARE without any conepts, JUST KNOWING. I am curious what you will say then…

  14. Goldmare Says:

    “I was also struck by the words of Goldmare that he does not believe in evolution.”

    She, please. 🙂

    “So, what is the aim of our being here then? Just to have a nice sleep, some work and some food?”

    As you correctly assumed, I don’t believe that. I would believe that if Darwinism were true. However, I believe life has a purpose, because we were created in the image of God as His children, and to live like a mere animal (which is what Darwinism basically says we are) is an insult to Him.

    I’ll see about writing another post on my blog detailing my beliefs on this matter.

    As for my own experiences, outside of that? Perhaps I will also post about that later today. Not right now… I have to take a shower and clean the house to get ready for when my Mom brings my sister and niece over later this evening. I will say that the bit of experience I had with yoga didn’t do much for me. I liked it inasmuch as I liked to stretch and relax, but the spiritual side of it just didn’t do it for me. ^^;

  15. Nita Says:

    God means different things to different people. That mysterious thing may not be called God by everyone. Some people call it God. But ofcourse people who think God is like a human being who hands down judgements (kids tend to think of God in this way) doesn’t exist. But just because a God in human form doesn’t exist, it doesn’t mean that God doesn’t exist.
    God is within oneself…and you have discovered it your own way.

  16. axinia Says:

    Nita, well said!

  17. […] the opposite, the healthy self-esteem has nothing to fear, as it knows WHO is going the […]

  18. […] are flowers on the Earth planted by God for people to teach from each of them. And as Axinia has mentioned, there is a part of God in each of us. Therefore, I see the aim of my life in the […]

  19. clpatel Says:

    ” I do not belive in God” and ” I believe in God” These are statements of two people. Who is correct?
    Whether one believes or not but one should not come to conclusion withot having done some effort to make a statement.So one should keep his eyes open like a scientist.The truth reveals when a proper time comes till then one can wait.Now in Sahaja Yoga the Truth has manifested. We are very fortunate to have been born at this time and become Sahaja Yogis.Now one can prove that God exists.

  20. I do not care whether God exists or not. I only care whether I experience “God” — or whatever other label you might want to put on a certain kind of experiencing. Does that make any sense?

  21. axinia Says:

    wonderful ,paul, that is exactly what i mean!

  22. Cristina Says:

    I don’t think it really matters if a person believes or not in God! I was also born and brought up in an atheist country, Romania, and we used to be told in school that there is no God, no horoscope and all kinds of such things. My grandmother used to recite Our Father every evening, but I could not see in her devotion the proof of God’s existence… Later on when I came to Sahaja Yoga, I felt inside myself the proof, the immense Truth of His being inside myself.The truth is God and for you He exists only when you yourself feel the truth of His being, when you realise your Self, otherwise, He is not existent for you, and all your prayers and songs are just fruitless devotion, because there is no connection. And when I found this I realised the truth of Mahatma Gandhi’s words: “The Truth(God) exists, even if the whole world doubts about It”

  23. blogofdanesh Says:

    Our people think they know many more things. Here I mean they deem that they know them from

    * repeated hearing;
    * tradition;
    * rumor;
    * what is in a scripture;
    * surmise;
    * an axiom;
    * specious reasoning;
    * a bias towards a notion that has been pondered over;
    * another’s seeming ability;
    * a religion
    * a Philosophy
    * a law
    * a Science etc… but can’t be explained by anyone.

    So please come out of the frame and think freely. Do make decisions according to the things you can understand. Only thing you can understand is your ignorance.
    Actually anything in this world can’t be understood by any one. Only we can do is, make a model/frame and describe it. But be free to accept honestly that you can’t understand those things.

    Please make decisions, considering that you know nothing. It will be the most precious judgment in your life.

  24. […] of the church/temple/mosque people had to seek God in their heart. I consider myself lucky that I was born and grew up in an atheistic atmosphere – that gave me personally a clear vision and understanding of my spiritual way without any force […]

  25. vasan Says:

    nice blog axinia.. b4 reading the blog i thought it may hurt my sentiments but instead u touched my heart.. here is a simple reason for worshipping an idol..

    u and i believe and understand science.. we know wat is potential and kinetic energy.. but illiterate people and kids dont.. so to make it easy for them to experience it, we ceated god and idol worship.. in simple terms, we keep a rock and try to instill our potenial energy into it.. and when needed we extract it from it..

    try doin it with a shapeless sea rock or a road side rock.. (no offence meant here!)u wil find that it also works.. so i feel that god existed because the religious leaders wanted a medium to make it easy for normal bums of the period to experience the divine powers.. anyways a nice blog..:) keep posting..and have fun..:)

  26. axinia Says:

    thank you casan, your reason is very reasonable! 🙂
    I believe there are different levels of why it “works” – worshiping the idol. and there are different idols to worship 🙂
    I also believe that to worship God in the heart is the highst form, however I dont know if there are people on this Earth who could REALLY do it. Many speak about it, though…

  27. Sahaja Says:

    I did not yet read the discussion behind but I fell in love with these words

    “I do not believe in God.

    I know God. ”

    The thought itself is so refreshing!! Kudos Axinia!!

  28. axinia Says:

    Sahaja, I am glad you like it.
    The main point here is that I really mean what I said in the post.

  29. Scietech Says:

    Good post, Axinia. God with a capital G does not exist, I don’t believe in Him either (I wonder why it is never Her). There are plenty of gods, of course, like the gods of Greek and Egyptian and Hindu mythology. The theory of creationism is also a myth.

    Humans are just evolved animals. Along their evolutionary journey, they developed something that animals don’t have – the ability to believe in things for which they could not find an answer.

  30. Sahaja Says:

    @Raj– what you said is perfectly correct only if you consider God as some supernatural power above all the living creatures ruling them!!

    I believe in God……..I perceive God as someone within me………all quests are to see that “GOD” within “SELF”

    I also believe in evolution….I agree with what you said that MAN is just a result of evolution and a part of the journey!! This is I believe is the law of Nature….something which I perceive to be MOTHER!! I respect and love nature and am always fascinated at Her amazing adaayein!!…..what all MAN discovered/tries to achieve like science and technology is like his trial of “imitation of nature”…..which i feel is a learning process……a process of evolution,…….. Just like kids imitate what their teachers write on the board……Thats the way we learn!!

  31. axinia Says:

    as I mentioned in the post, the exsitence of God is not tha matter of beliefe, it is the matter of knowing (not knowledge!) to me. I too believe that human beings evolved from animals, and they still have many animal features in their nature and character…
    but the difference is that a human bing is able to percept his/her spirit.

    your words about mother Nature are sooo beautiful, thank you!

  32. kanagu Says:

    I always believe in that there is always a power above us all. That power maybe god. I also believe, we are created here for some purpose, and we must nurture ourselves to complete those purposes.

    Purposes here I mention is the one which gives us immense joy when we do a task. It is different to different people.

  33. axinia Says:

    I like your point on purposes – it is very wise!
    Indeed, I also noticed that when I do what I really have to acomplish, I feel tremendous joy.
    It is like when you go in the line with one divine plan…

  34. kanagu Says:

    Many a times I felt it.. so do others.. but I am able to come across this thought.. and Thanks to you for placing you best posts on the front page.

    thanks for this nice idea 🙂

  35. Scietech Says:


    I too believe in the absolute Truth 🙂 Yes, Mother Nature and Father Time are super-human. What does “adaayein” mean 😕

    Man does not try to learn from Nature – we try to destroy it 😡


    I agree. Humans may have some extra abilities over animals but they are animals nevertheless 😉 😀

  36. Sahaja Says:

    ohh sorry ….i used in the flow….” Ada” is urdu word meaning charm/beauty!

  37. Hey, no need to say sorry . . . 😐

    Sure, Mother Nature is infinitely charming and beautiful! 🙂 I have no hesitation in using a capital M and a capital N 😉 😀

  38. Jacob Says:

    Albert Einstein did not “believe” in Darwinism. In fact, he felt that it did not deserve to be called a theroy. It was a hypothesis at best in his opinion.

  39. Evgeniya Says:

    Du kennst Gott!!Ich würde ihn auch gerne kennenlernen..
    Ich glaube, dass jede hat seinen Eigenen Gott, der im Herz wohnt. oder??

  40. Юрий Says:

    Ага! Сенкс! Теперь на час есть работа! 🙂

  41. XSatiram Says:

    Интересно. Вообще чтение вашего блога это не просто глупое пролистывание последних новостей или чтениевсякой фигни про то, чем человек сегодня занимался, а нахождение реально полезной информации.

  42. Nuwan Says:

    Perhaps if you find out what Buddhism is you will be proven with what you believed.

  43. soulstirrer Says:

    I am a Muslim and I have a strong believe on GOD. But I just wanna add as you have written that ” I claim that I do not believe in God. I know God.”….here I have severe reservations because either you dont know the real meaning of GOD and if you do then there is no point of not believing on him.

    • axinia Says:

      soulstirrer, as I mentioned above, KNOWING and BELIEVEING is not the same for me because believeing has to do with the blind faith. If I know, say, my husband in person (sure I do 🙂 then I will not say “oh, I blieve in my husband”. I just know him, that is it.
      Knowing God…does it seem too unreal? There are quite a few people in this world who have come to that BECAUSE they have been seeking for it many lifes together. And so do I. If one is seeking for something, is not it logical one day to find it?…

      • soulstirrer Says:

        Good to see that you have read my comment… Listen your reply to my comment has no errors and you are absolutely right but my dear there is a little confusion in you reply that is in last line you have written “If one is seeking for something, is not it logical one day to find it?”…Sure why not I would say InshaAllah you will find a right path one day but see there is some problem here… Firstly you are claiming you know then you are seeking for Him.

        Dear if you really know GOD you never compare Him with the example of your husband/person thing. This is a main difference if we really know GOD we should have to know that there is no comparison of GOD with anything…. If we are comparing it means we dont know HIM. Because the real GOD is unique you can not compare Him with anything.

        • axinia Says:

          no, I do not compare, that was a poor try to explain… you know, it is too hard to speak about the Divine matters 🙂 I mean these are such subtle and profound experiences that one can not describe them really…there are no words fro that…only silence…
          why all the saints and profet have been talking kind of indirectly, of in mataphor and stories…because it is too difficult to decribe!

          What I know and what I experienced – much of it is here on my blog, you can read through my photos and my face… just see for yourself…:)
          any, bth, have you see the blog of Sadiq? I am sure you will love him. – that is the real living saint (with Muslim background) http://mysticsaint.blogspot.com/

  44. soulstirrer Says:

    whenever you feel you have some free time read this link….


  45. sohamgupta Says:

    Well, I really don’t know, whether there is anything called ‘God’ or not. Being born in the Communist Calcutta, I had so many questions to ask. Everywhere I went, there were temples and besides the temples, there were portraits of Marx, Lenin, Mao and others. Calcutta is one place, that is completely diverse. Both religions (so many of them) and communism exists side by side.

    I am not religious, mostly. But there are times, when I’ve prayed. I’ve prayed to gods: brahma, christ, allah, buddha and others. But being a Calcuttan, I’ve never learnt to distinguish between ‘my god’ and ‘your god’.

    There’s been so many times, when different sides of my country erupts in violence, in the name of religions. There’s been times, when the muslims have killed the hindus. There’s been other times, when the hindus have slaughtered the christians and the muslims.

    And I, what did i do?

    I said, “If this is religion, I don’t want any!”

  46. gracehickson Says:

    God: is a HOLY SPIRIT, and his spirit is ALIVE. Please read your BIBLE startting at the NEW TESTMENT KING JAMES VERSION, befor reading ask GOD to give you UNDERSTANDING. MAY GOD BLESS YOU

  47. […] Tags: interesting, personal, spirituality, thoughts Some of my readers may rember my popular post “I do not belive in God”. In thas post I claim that I never belived in God, and even now, being a spiritual person I do not […]

  48. SUGETI PULA Says:


  49. […] -by doing all that I yet claim I am not a believer, since I dont’ belive in God. […]

  50. […] -by doing all that I yet claim I am not a believer, since I dont’ belive in God. […]

  51. Lewis Says:

    Thank you for your short description of something so profound. I feel that this distinction is becoming more apparent to people of the world.

  52. Meta Stupak Says:

    Hello, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Chrome, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, great blog!

  53. Ezel Yeni Says:

    I do not believe in God

    • Ezel Yeni Says:

      I do not believe in God

      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God
      I do not believe in God

  54. I love God Says:

    I believe in God. Who ever does not God still loves you all. God bless you <:)

    • jesus rocks! Says:

      I totally think god is real. I’m a christian. i think that “i love God” is right. God loves everyone, even tho it hurts him to think that some people dont believe in him. im a believer, i believe in God.
      GOD ROCKS!!! (and so does jesus:)

  55. I love God Says:

    All of the people who aren’t sure if they believe in God or not, all I’m asking you to do is to pray. And for you Ezel Yeni, you are lost, and I want you to be found. Draw jesus to your heart, and you shall live with him in eterity when you die. Nobody wants to go to hell and face the devil wishing that you knew jesus and loved him. God will forever love you and I want you all to know that. God is real, Ezel Yeni, you just don’t want to believe it sadly. God will save you. And you need to ask yourself- Am I truly happy with my life? Am I happy about who I am? Does all the drinking, cussing, and hurting really make me proud of myself? Go to church for once, make a change in your life, and you will be TRULY happy. God bless you all. My name is Chloe, I’m 11 years old, and I am a believer of God. (and I am happy:)

  56. Virendra Says:

    These worshippers of a pedo will never change!!

  57. DEAR ALL,

    May I have my humble submission please.

    We all know “GOD”. Only thing I notice here is we are all trying to convince each other in our own way and words about our knowledge about “GOD”. Some agree and some disagree in terms of expressions but not in terms of Reality.

    We are all the different manifestations of the same “SOUL”. “One soul many bodies”. You call HIM or IT by the name of GOD, NATURE, SUPER POWER, A NON EXISTENT THING, anything for that matter. GOD is here, there,everywhere. GOD is in me ,you,he,she,it,that in everything.

    As majority of you rightly mentioned, “IT IS AN EXPERIENCE”.

    The truth is, HE is experiencing US and WE are experiencing HIM. MAN is the secret of GOD and GOD is the secret of MAN.

    Wish You all a Happy exploration of GOD. MAY GOD BLESS ALL OF US.



  58. Ben Says:

    I think you believe in God Axinia, how else can you have so much faith in truth, love and good? There is a God and I can prove this to be far more probable and good to believe than any other suggested explanation of existance. Atheism does not make sense as it is a belief based on lack of belief a claim not to believe in faith or God because of lack of proof and yet acting every minute on faith and hope to get results we don’t know will happen. Even Darwin was an Agnostic and Agnosticism makes more sense at it honestly claims not to know the truth about God and being open. To like Atheism not believe in anything because we have not seen it I think is very illogical when even science know that our brain can only process 4000 of 2 billion bits of information every second. Why would someone say they don’t believe anyone exist because they have not seen them? There are billions of people which exist that we have not seen. God lives as surely as we do, all that is created must have a creator and the creation can not be greater than who made it. How can you who inspire to love God and all his creatons not believe in him? Yes you know God 🙂

  59. Elke Says:

    When C.G. Jung was asked if he believed in God he replied just like Axinia: “I don’t believe in God, I know that there is God!” He had the experience through the honest seeking and finding of his true self. He was seeking his self and found God! That’s the true Yoga!

  60. anamnesis Says:

    I think that you owe your grand grandma something 🙂
    I can’t imagine a better bet to lose.

  61. Hi I found your through other blog. .I appreciate for your efforts. I think that it is a debateable topic but I personally believe that GOD exists.

  62. archecotech Says:

    They say the true Atheist is closest to God. C.S. Lewis is proof.

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