1000 petals by axinia

the only truth I know is my own experience

The Intellectual Quest April 28, 2007

Filed under: personal,poetry,spirituality,thoughts,women,world — axinia @ 8:49 pm



The intellectual quest is exquisite like pearls and coral,

But it is not the same as the spiritual quest.

The spiritual quest is on another level altogether,

Spiritual wine has a subtler taste.

The intellect and the senses investigate cause and effect.

The spiritual seeker surrenders to the wonder.


RUMI (1207-1273) Persian poet, jurist, theologian



My language, my identity: URDU April 27, 2007


 Zabanee Yare Man

A wonderfuly personal input from one of my blog-friends, Diogenes.

I don’t not know when Urdu became my identity. It is ascribed one and I love it; really. Born and raised speaking Punjabi, I also leant foreign languages (like English and Russian) to move about in faster lanes of life but I always express my deeper emotions and inner feelings in Urdu. Two of my books (Izhar (Expressions), Ret Pe Tehreer (written on the Sand)} are in Urdu. This    (Urdu) sophisticated language facilitates you to do that. Anyone speaking Urdu in a crowd of people speaking alien languages is automatically a company.  

I realized my love for the language when I was learning Russian at National University of Modern Languages,Islamabad. When my Russian teacher Alica used  say, “I have learnt more Urdu than I have taught you Russian.” When Sakina Mirkhajevna used to ask us to sing her songs in Urdu; she could not understand the meanings but, “I enjoy the sweetness with which words flow,” she used to tell.  

I leant English the hard way. I was at a professional academy and order of the day was, “no vernaculars,” even in out private quarters. Knowing that we will be asked to leave food and have a round of the mess running if we spoke in Urdu made us speak English fast. The problem is that I think in Urdu, dram in Urdu and my expressions, oral as well as written in English, still are jerky.

Applause to Diogenes from Quazi Fictional! WHO IS NEXT?


You must ask for what you really want April 26, 2007

Filed under: жизнь,innocence,joy,poetry,spirituality,thoughts,world — axinia @ 9:39 am



For years, copying other people, I tried to know myself.
From within, I couldn’t decide what to do.
Unable to see, I heard my name being called.
Then I walked outside.The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

RUMI (1207-1273) Persian poet, juris, theologian


Beautiful languages of the world: Urdu April 24, 2007

 خدا ہے الله تعالی, دین ہے اسلام, و  رسول  محمد

Since a long time I hear about the poetical beauty of Urdu Language, and finally I got curious enough to find out more about it.

Urdu, the national language of Pakistan, was created around the 16th century in Centryl Asia. Interestingly the origin of Urdu is nothing like poetic, the word “urdu” comes from Turkish word “ordu” meaning “camp” or “army”. The language was used as unifying communicaiton tool betweel Muslim soldiers of Persian, Arab and Turkish origin.

Urdū is a member of the Indo-Aryan family of languages (i.e., those languages descending from Sanskrit), which is in turn a branch of the Indo-Iranian group (which comprises the Indo-Aryan and the Iranian branches), which itself is a member of the Indo-European linguistic family.

My special interest to this language is driven by its poetic beauty: I find it amazing how a relative young language could have developed such a high poetic richness!

They say it is due to the splendid and marvelous form of poetry, prose and consisting exemplary literature in form of Altaf Hussain Hali, Hasrat Mohani, Ibne Insha that Urdu language has travelled a long way, in a very short period of time. (more…)


Are you looking for me? April 23, 2007

Filed under: жизнь,India,innocence,joy,love,poetry,thoughts,women,writing — axinia @ 12:21 pm



Are you looking for me? I am in the next seat.
My shoulder is against yours.
you will not find me in the stupas, not in Indian shrine
rooms, nor in synagogues, nor in cathedrals:
not in masses, nor kirtans, not in legs winding
around your own neck, nor in eating nothing but

When you really look for me, you will see me
instantly —
you will find me in the tiniest house of time.

Kabir says: Student, tell me, what is God?
He is the breath inside the breath.

KABIR (1440-1518)


The best way of doing shopping April 21, 2007


If you ask an enlightened soul: “What would you like to have for yourself?”, he may start thinking: “What could I possibly need?” He already has everything.

On the contrary he will think, “If I really have to go shopping, then I must buy something by which I can express my love to others”.

An enlightened soul will purchase something only if it is a thing of spiritual value because there are certain very beautiful things created by human beings, which do emit Divine cool vibrations and relax enlightened people.

Alternatively he might support some artist, or poor person, who is trying to make a living by creating something artistic. So, underlying his purchase, there is not the principle that “I like it”,  but there is the principle “My Spirit enjoys it”.

Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi “Meta Modern Era”


Axinia`s sense of cold April 20, 2007

 photo doctony

My love for India is obvious to my readers and friends, however it is not for the reasons of climate or nature that I adore that incredible country.

Speaking in terms of nature, I am fascinated by the northern beauty, cold blue mountains, sparkling snow and frosty air…

Much sun and palm beaches are not attractive for me at all, and I never dream of a holiday on a sunny sea coast.

Strange enough, but it is the hard truth about my character. Why don`t I need warm sunny weather? The reason could be that I just have too much sun in my own nature and thus look for something opposite.

Any activity – mental or physical  – produces vibrational heat in our body, which often reflects on our behaviour or health.

Most of the people in the West are very active (I once heard an interesting version of an astrologist, that the western part of the world is strongly influenced by sun, while the eastern stands in the shade, under Moon). For that or some other reason, more and more heat is being produced here in the West – could it be the subtle cause of global warming? (more…)


Do not go to the garden of flowers! April 19, 2007

  photo doctony

My last post was about each of us being a garden of flowers, and I also mentioned this idea has a long tradition.

Today just by chance I came across a wonderful poem of Kabir – everything what I was trying to say in a clumsy way he depicted so poetically!…

Do not go to the garden of flowers!
O Friend ! go not there;
In your body is the garden of flowers.

Take your seat on the thousand petals of the lotus,
and there gaze on the Infinite Beauty.

  Kabir (1440-1518)

Kabir, who was a realised soul knew this and could clearly precept the Reality. The thousand petals of the lotus he is speaking about is in fact the open centre of the brain´s limbic area.

The perception of a self as a garden of flowers should not be mental, no auto-training will help you here. Only after getting self-realisation you can become aware of your Self – easily and clearly.

I dont know any other way.

LOVE, axinia


Nobody is perfect? False! April 18, 2007

 photo axinia

In fact, everybody is perfect! Sounds strange? Let`s see how this could be possible.

A human being as it is is a beautiful construction, harmonious creature. All the necessary qualities and values are already built within; interestingly many spiritual traditions speak about a garden of flowers inside of us. (more…)


The abuse of joy April 16, 2007

 photo axinia

 The word “joy” has been terribly abused since 20th century.

Searching for “joy” on Google I first saw nothing less than links to pornosites and then all sorts of selling…

Joy sells.

It seems like it is what people want the most. Such an abuse of this powerful and bubbling with colors (or may be it is only pink?) word makes me sad… What kind of joy they want to sell?

And what does Wikipedia say? ´” Joy is an emotion of great happiness”. Is it an emotion?

I would say – no!

To me joy is a state, state of being. Any emotion is influenced by an outside happening. The true joy is just there… It will not come and go. It is there…

Recently I was introspecting my character and found out that my main quality which I am sure and aware of is that of living in a state of joy. It is an ability to enjoy every thing, every moment, no matter what.

How can I describe it?

  • I enjoy waking up in my princess-bed
  • I enjoy dressing and making myself up – every day it is a miracle to me how a sleepy “nothing” turns into a lovely image
  • I enjoy watching people`s faces on my way to work – everyone is so unique, all these faces: worried, sad, funny, pretty, smiling or numb… Every time I think – God, what an incredible creation, this human being!
  • I enjoy my cosy boss and overresponsible colleagues who, despite oil trading business all look like designer agents (pretty girls with smart branded togs and friendly traders with a dandy kick)
  • I enjoy some stupid clients who do not want to understand the way our company works (more…)

%d bloggers like this: