photo by axinia
Most women love generous men. At least I never met any who does not (please let me know if you are a woman and disagree with that).
Are men actually aware of that fact? And if not than why? Because the ladies keep silent on the topic?
I love making private social studies with my friends and colleagues. One of the most popular topics - of course! - the gender relationships (actually I have another blog dedicated to that topic). According to my oral surveys through years, most of the girls consider 2 main thing the most important: RELIABILITY and GENEROSITY.
My favorite topic is generosity (as reliability goes without saying!). Why generosity is so important for ladies?
Let me give you my explanation. I believe that generally a woman has many more ways to express her love, her tenderness. It is not the case with a man. Even if he truly loves, he just can not perform that 1000 and one tricks, sweet gestures that a woman can (either it is the nature or it is socially based). He can not even protect! - in most of the cases we live in a relatively peaceful society without the need of any physical protection. Then what can the poor thing do? How can he express his powerful yet hidden love?
The best way is to be generous. And we, girls, know that! We know that and appreciate that. Generous with time, money, attention, communication… Because generosity is the material manifestation of LOVE. It is probably the only reason why the matter exists at all (otherwise it brings only trouble!).
So if you love - express your generosity.
If you do not love - still express it and you will love!
For generosity opens the heart.
LOVE, axinia
Relevant posts:
axinia
I think the generosity needs to extend all the way through, giving not only time and material things… but also of the self.
Nina and I have taken our love to the level of switching bodies and merging into one being, and generous release of ego is one of the key ingredients.
I dont know what you mean by sharing the “self”.
Out of my personaly experience I know that “self” is not really “sharable” (if one can say so).
The SELF if allperwading, when you touch it in the depf of your being - it has no limits, no time, no end…
Can I share something that even does not belong to me? Here the most beautiful words said about this state: Tad Niskala by Adi Shankaracharia
http://www.banet.free-online.co.uk/108/english/index4/46.html
I agree with you completely, but I live in America where the self is treated as a commodity.
We are born thinking that Ego is the most important thing. We must “make a name for ourselves” and “leave our mark on the world”.
Then we must learn to let go of this sense of controlled identity and embrace the real self, as you said.
You are right, fullbodytransplant - we live in the ego-driven society and that explaines everything. Und, unfortunately, very often people confuse “the self” with ego…
When I say “I want this and that” who is this “I”? Mostly it is our ego
On the light note, women would love their men to be generous only to them, not to others.
Argumentatively, if woman is expressing her love by tenderness, man is expressing by protectiveness, sheltering, feeding etc.,
And you are right that in the modern society the requirements ,for which a male was provider, are secured through by the civilized society. Therefore, the social scientist have found in research that in last few decades males are more and more leaning towards beautification and preening etc., which was the domain of females.
So, still women are genetically coded to appreciate a man who is able to provide her needs, generously.
Straight to the point, JV!
Only one thing: let me disagree with “women would love their men to be generous only to them, not to others”. When we go out with my girlfriends and my husband, I am more than proud and happy if my husband pays for everyone! - probably it is the matter of love and trust.
But I believe GENEROSITY is like LOVE - if it is there, you are generous to everyone, if not - no. Do you believe is selective generosity??
“Pays for everyone”, there is the point, it is material generosity, (apologies for being harsh)that perhaps bloats your “ego”. Would you mind if he starts paying attention to them?
And yes what is generosity IS love. I did not mention that in the last comment, because it would have diverted the subject. Because when you said “women like generous man” , the theme became selective. Let me say everyone likes generous a human being.
There should not be selective generosity, but we find it there. People become generous depending upon person, situation etc.,
…..
Dear JV, i see your point!
If you are a truly generous person - what I assume you are - than you understand that the generosity like inviting your friends (paying for them) is a great pleasure indeed and has nothing to do with ego. Probably with some people it is the case, but we are talking about true generosity here.
Apart from that my dear husband does pay attenion to many people, also to women, but his attention is of another kind (luckily he is a deep Yogi and that make a huge difference!!!)
Regarding selctive generotisy:
I feel that women are more generous, only because it has soemthing to do with the basic motherly pricipal of giving. Men are also generous, but they sometimes have difficulty to express that - because it is often not expected from them, or because women do not show appreciation.
Dont you think so?
I really enjoy the way you lead this discussion!
I am glad you enjoy the discussion. Thanks for tolerating me , as I can be argumentative at some time.
My point is that generosity is expressed form of love. You are generous because you love. Up to that extent it is okay.
And you are right there, that male find hard to express love and therefore they are generous.
But my worry is that because generosity is considered as expression of love , it becomes hard to tell that a person is genuinely generous , or generous merely to gain some advantage or disadvantage, because it is hard to tell the difference.
So, true generous person is generous at heart. Expressing love is optional. Definitely, inviting friends and paying for them gives you great pleasure. But what if I have no resources or incapacitated ,for any reasons, to do so?
Does that mean I do not love anyone, because I am unable to express?
Dear JV, there are so many ways to express love and generosity… Not only money :)What about poems???
- it is only one expression, there are so many others…
I always wanted to have money mostly for the reason fo buying presents.. And I do. Every time I have a guest here, I go shopping and buy wonderful clothes for her/him. But I am not rich at all!
I love dressing people up
I agree, giving present is pleasing thing. I too like to do (may not give presents etc) things for people. I mean helping them with the chores of which I can do reasonably well.
What I mean generosity is a person who has love for everything in the existence. Person who wish , pray for the abundance , wellbeing for everyone and he doesnt have to express in action or gesture. What he express is not felt by the ordinary five senses.
Though, I do not disagree with your view of point (as you have put particularly for women), but this is what I mean by generosity.
Now I see what you mean! It is a kind of generosity of a spirit, right? But this goes without saying to me…
However I feel that the true love and generosity WANT to be express through this material universe: like the generosity of the Mother Earth is being expressed throught the blossom and fragrance of flowers.
its funny, i remember one time when i was at maybe 7th-8th grade at school and our teacher of litterature/history/geography asked to the girls in the classroom “which one is the quality that your future husband should have”, to which i replayed generosity. the teacher with surprised smile asked me why and i went: i dont know, its the first quality i just thought about…So i didnt forgot this episode! now after 20 years from that i can say that generosity just makes you feel good, thats why its cool, thks for the post
Interesting note, Radha! I liek this point “It just makes you feel good”
It DOES!!!!!!!!!!
I believe its an important quality. Men who have quality and are perceptive will understand what a woman means by this. I once told a man this is a quality I wanted in a man, and I felt he may have took it the wrong way. I find half of the men get what makes a woman happy immediately, and the other half are completely selfish and lost.
Love is life and life is combination. Impossible love without life and life need love. Life is combination between some ones with the other one, so by combination will present the next one. That is why love is needed for life